Dash
by Shinjo
Summary: The next step in the endless waltz has taken place - a revolution has begun, and the G-boys are stuck right in the middle. yaoi. (rated R for attempted rape, future talk of torture, future commando Quatre, and future lemon)
1. Birth of Death

Disclaimer: Gundam Wing is not mine in any way, shape, form, usw.  
  
Warnings: angst  
  
This takes place a year or so after all the gundam pilots have decided to become Preventers.  
  
Dash - Part One  
  
It was springtime again. A time for love, fertility, rebirth.... A time to enjoy. The ivy was beginning to creep in thin, green curls up the sides of the house. The breeze was crisp, and it rustled through the baby leaves in the trees. The birds were singing their joyful songs, hoping to attract another to keep them company.  
  
Spring really was quite beautiful.  
  
But this spring was not the same. The air was prickled with something I feared and knew well. The sky was blue, but not as blue as it should be. People were moving quicker. Animals didn't have the same serenity they should. My house felt empty.   
  
I turned from the window. Winter had come and gone, and now spring was waking up. It had been nearly four months since things had changed. Four months since the next step of the eternal waltz had taken its place. Peace had ended once again, and revolution had taken its place.  
  
That is the reason the sky was not blue - it was tinted with the smoke of whatever the Drachens did at their camps. That is the reason the people moved faster - they were trying to escape. That is the reason the animals were not as cheerful as they normally were - they had left to live elsewhere. That is the reason the air was not the same - it was scented with hate of others. That is the reason my house felt so empty. Heero and Trowa had been captured.  
  
Even though Duo and Wufei still stayed with me, I felt alone. The Drachens, the new group of rebels, had taken chase after the Preventers around the middle of Fall. They disliked us - no, hated us - because of our peace-promoting purpose. We became their target after they had threatened the main leaders from their positions. I don't know what kind of crazy person their leader was, but he disagreed with peace for reasons beyond my comprehension. He ordered his followers to capture all of the Preventers so we would stop our ways. So far, they've been pretty successful. It takes a mastermind to capture Trowa and even a bigger mastermind to capture Heero.   
  
I hadn't heard too much of what goes on with the people they capture. People had silently agreed never to speak of it. I admit that I didn't want to speak of it, either. Talking about Drachen procedures to other people brought suspicions closer to reality. I couldn't bring myself to think of what the Drachens would do to Heero or Trowa.  
  
"Trowa," I whispered to myself. I missed him so much. I wished I could see him again. I hadn't seen him for what felt like years, though it had, in reality, only been a third of one. I was worried about him. I didn't even know if he was....  
  
I stopped myself from thinking further. He was fine. He was perfectly capable of holding off the Drachens. They wouldn't be able to do anything to him. He was smart. He could take anything they tried to do....  
  
I looked out the window again and concentrated on the creeping ivy. It had barely reached the second row of stones. I leaned out the window to see if it was climbing anywhere else on the wall.  
  
"Hey, Quatre!"   
  
I nearly fell out the window.  
  
"Whoa, sorry!" Duo apologized, seeing he'd startled me.  
  
"That's okay," I said, regaining my balance and leaving my place at the window, taking a step toward him.  
  
"Just wondering what's up," he said.  
  
"Oh, just looking at the ivy."  
  
He nodded. "...Have you read the newspaper today?"  
  
"No. Why?" Had something important happened?  
  
"Oh. Just wondering if...you know.... I haven't read it either. Wufei took it."  
  
We stood, thinking. "...Wondering if something happened with the Drachens? Or with their...captives?"  
  
He nodded. "Yeah."  
  
"Me too. I wish I knew what was going on."  
  
"Same. I really miss - "  
  
He didn't finish his sentence, but he didn't have to. I knew what he meant.  
  
"I miss Trowa," I said quietly.  
  
We looked away from each other.  
  
"Well, I'll go see if I can steal the paper from Wufei," he announced, placing a smile back on his face.  
  
"Okay. Tell me if there's anything I'd like to know," I requested.  
  
"No problem, man."  
  
He left without any rush. I have a feeling he was afraid of what the newspaper would say. I'd avoided them since the revolution, as well. I wasn't too enthusiastic about reading articles on what had already been a major part of my life. Wars and revolutions, I mean. I was getting really tired of them.  
  
I walked around the room in a big circle until my eyes rested on the black, odd-shaped case that held my violin. I impulsively picked it up and opened it. I hadn't played my violin for a long time. It was resting peacefully on the velvety cloth which covered the inside of the case. I picked up the bow carefully, as if it would fall apart by being handled too much. The violin came out next. I plucked a string, testing it. It was really out of tune.  
  
I set myself on the task of tuning my old friend. I was glad to have something to preoccupy myself with. I wished I had thought of my violin sooner. I guess it hadn't really crossed my mind recently, since Trowa was gone. There was no one to play duets with, nor was there anyone to play a solo for. My music was usually something I shared only with people I felt extremely close to.  
  
At last, I tucked the violin beneath my chin and brought the bow to its cold strings. I winced as the long-unused instrument squeaked at first contact. I ran the bow across it a few times before it started to sound right. My ears had grown somewhat unaccustomed to the notes but remembered them quickly. I began playing without any knowledge of what the song was. Only halfway through the song did I realize what I was doing.  
  
My eyes closed as the song continued, my fingers unable to stop. The bow touched the strings gently, and the softness of the notes caused me to sway a little to the rhythm. I loved this song. I played louder as the memory relived itself in my head.  
  
Trowa stood in the room with me, leaning against the wall and crossing his arms in a peculiar way. I played my violin for him. He was timidly watching me and paused before deciding to open the cabinet which contained a few other musical instruments. I looked up to see what he was doing. He had pulled a flute from the cabinet and was bringing it to his lips. He blew gently as his fingers danced on the keys. I smiled and continued playing my violin.  
  
That music was the most beautiful I had ever heard. I played more fervently as I remembered Trowa's face that day - serene and peaceful.   
  
I stopped playing abruptly and shook my head. The violin was placed back in its case.  
  
I sat in the cushy chair by the bookcase and stared at all the books, my full concentration on skimming their titles. I didn't even want to read one, actually. I just needed something...something to do.  
  
"Wufei says there's nothing to report."  
  
I glanced at the doorway and saw Duo poking his head in. "Nothing at all?"  
  
"Nope." He looked around. "Well, see you at dinner. If you need me, I'll be somewhere," he smiled.  
  
"All right. See you later."  
  
I watched him leave and sighed involuntarily. I wondered how Duo was doing. He always had a smile on his face, but I don't believe he really meant it. Before Heero was caught, Duo had gotten him to open up, which I'll confess is an extraordinary accomplishment. Duo must have worked pretty hard to gain his trust. The loneliness of Heero's absence wasn't something he could just ignore.  
  
I contemplated finding Duo and talking to him, but eventually decided against it. I didn't have the energy, nor the desire, to do anything but sit. It was strange. I had never been this lethargic before. I guess my behavior had become a little bizarre in the past few months. Sometimes I would be terribly fidgety, an insomniac, and a compulsive thumb-twirler. Other times I would be tired, not wanting to move, not wanting to do anything.  
  
I closed my eyes. The afternoon sun had fallen on the other side of the house, and the room I sat in had little light in it. The darkness felt strangely comforting. I yawned and curled up in the chair, resting my head in the corner formed by the back and the arm.  
  
Whether I lay like that for minutes or hours was unknown to me. Sometimes minutes dragged out into days and days flew by like minutes. I was only half awake when Wufei poked my shoulder.  
  
"Hm?" I grumbled sleepily.  
  
"Dinner. You hungry?"  
  
"Oh. Yeah."  
  
He watched me for a few seconds, making sure I was actually planning on coming. I sat up to show him I was. Satisfied, he turned and left.  
  
Only I did not follow. I watched him leave the room, walking with his feet delicately placed on the ground almost in a premeditated manner. His arms stayed by his sides and barely moved. When I thought about it, I came to the conclusion that he was very elegant. Sometimes he reminded me of a tiger. No - more like a tiger who had turned into a cat. He'd changed, as all of us had, since the end of the war and the beginning of the Preventers.  
  
I'm not sure whether the Preventers served only the purpose of being something for Wufei to do or whether it was something deeper, but he'd gotten a lot nicer. Well, perhaps nicer isn't the word, although he Iis/I nice. He's just different somehow. He's not as solitary, I suppose. He talks to me and Duo more than he used to. If Heero and Trowa were still around, he would talk to them a lot, too....  
  
I pried myself out of the chair and headed for the dining room. Maybe all I needed was some nice conversation. My thoughts often went off on their own. Perhaps talking to my friends would help me preoccupy myself. ...Though, for some reason, I doubted it.  
  
My doubts proved to be correct. Dinner was silent, for the most part. Everyone was probably enveloped in their own thoughts. I knew I was, and likely Duo as well. As for Wufei...I could never really tell with him. It seemed like he was thoroughly concentrating on placing just the right amount of food on his fork before lifting it to his mouth.  
  
When we had all finished our food, silence was still in the air. Finally, Duo yawned and stretched dramatically. Wufei eyed him and, after a second, appeared to be trying to stifle a yawn himself. He pushed his chair back and stood.  
  
"Well, I'll be leaving you, now. There are a few things I'd like to take care of." He bowed slightly and left.  
  
Duo stood next. "I'll be leaving, too. Headache. Need to lie down," he explained briefly and turned, his braid swishing the air as he did so.  
  
I sat for a minute longer. Although I had eaten quite a lot, my energy was still hiding. I picked a pea off my plate and slowly brought it closer to me. I studied it carefully before resting it between my lips and eventually on my tongue. I rolled it around the top of my mouth before swallowing. I couldn't taste it. Everything, including food, had become dull to me.  
  
Eventually, I sighed and stood. But now what should I do...?  
  
I decided to go see Duo.  
  
  
  
  
Dash - Part Two  
  
Warning: angst, bastard/confused Duo (for some reason I love a bastard Duo ;)  
  
  
I don't know why I went to see Duo, actually. It was kind of a silly thing for me to do. The reason he had left was because he had a headache, after all. People with headaches usually want some peace and quiet, not someone trying to make conversation with them.  
  
I knocked on his door softly and received a groaned "come in" as the answer. He didn't sound too good. I felt a little guilty for having disturbed him.  
  
When I opened the door, I noticed he was lying stomach-down on his bed, his face buried in a pillow.  
  
"Duo?"  
  
"Hm?"  
  
"I was just wondering if you're okay...."  
  
He rolled over and looked at me.  
  
"Yeah. Just fine! Couldn't be better!" His voice told me otherwise, but his smile was hard to argue with.  
  
"Do you want something for your headache?"  
  
His grin faded a little. "No, it's okay."  
  
"You're sure?" I knew I was probably bothering him, but I could tell things weren't Ireally/I okay.  
  
"Yeah. It's just...I guess it's not my head that's bothering me the most."  
  
"What do you mean?"  
  
He studied his fingers. When he spoke, his voice was barely audible. "Do you think I'll ever see Heero again?"  
  
Aha. I should have known.   
  
I sat down beside him and smiled. "Yes. I think we'll see Heero and Trowa again. Don't worry."  
  
I think I was saying it to reassure myself more than to reassure Duo. He wasn't convinced.  
  
"But they've been gone for nearly four months. How can we be sure they aren't being hurt? Or that they aren't already dead?"  
  
"...They aren't dead. They can't be."  
  
He sighed. "I hope that's true. ...I really do miss Heero. I mean, I'd finally gotten through to him, and he had to be taken away again.... Do you know what that's like?"  
  
I stayed silent. I remembered first meeting Trowa. He hadn't trusted me then, but it didn't take very long to gain his trust and his friendship. It felt very nice to have that from him. I remembered how I felt when Trowa had left in the Vayeate to explode. And I remembered how he had lost his memory and didn't know who I was when I came to him. It hurt. I knew what it was like for Duo to lose someone he felt close to.   
  
"I really liked that guy." He looked up at me, his face a little sheepish. "Really."  
  
"I know." I smiled a little. "You were both pretty happy around each other. That must have been important to you. Making Heero happy, I mean."  
  
"Yes."  
  
We looked at each other for a minute, not knowing what to say next.  
  
"Just wait. I'm sure the Drachens will release them. They can't be kept prisoners Iforever/I, you know."  
  
"I know. I just...I'm afraid to sleep. I miss having his body next to me," he said softly. "The nights are so cold without him."  
  
"What?" I could not have heard that right....  
  
He scooched closer to me. "The hours crawl by like centuries without being able to hear the steady breathing."  
  
I raised an eyebrow. "You - ?"  
  
He rested his head on my shoulder. "Mhmm..." he purred.  
  
"Duo...."  
  
"Yeah?" I felt his bangs tickle me as he nuzzled my neck.  
  
"What are you doing?"  
  
He gazed into my eyes, his own full of pain. "Please, Quatre. I can't take another night by myself."  
  
"Duo, I ca - "  
  
He wouldn't let me finish. My words were lost against his lips as he pushed me down with a kiss. My insides lurched. He was kissing me. He was kissing me - another guy?! For a minute I couldn't move, I was so stunned.   
  
As soon as I found my head, I pushed him aside.  
  
"Duo, don't," I urged him.  
  
"I have to," he stated, quickly pinning my wrists and climbing over me.  
  
My panic had to be visible in my eyes. What was he doing? He was on top of me - sitting on me, not letting me move. "No you don't. Think about what you're doing."  
  
I felt his hips push down on mine, and he kissed me again, sliding his tongue along my lips. As he parted them and licked my teeth, I thrashed my head to break away. He only captured me again.  
  
I could feel my head spinning. This wasn't happening...this couldn't be happening.... This was Duo. He had to be kidding. But he was pushing harder and harder against me. I shut my eyes as though it would also shut my senses and my mind. I knew this was wrong, but I didn't know why my body was telling me otherwise.   
  
I tried to squirm away again, but Duo was holding me firmly.  
  
"Duo, stop! Please!"  
  
I felt the pressure on my wrists ease up and become nonexistent. A wave of relief passed through me. He wasn't going to do anything, after all. It was silly of me to worry.   
  
But then I felt my shirt being ripped open.  
  
"Duo!"  
  
"Shh, Quatre, please just cooperate."   
  
I cringed. Forgive me.... I clenched my fists and aimed for Duo, hoping it would buy me enough time to crawl out from under him.  
  
It didn't work. He caught my arms and shoved them against the pillows, leaning over so his nose was only centimeters away from mine.  
  
"Duo. Stop. Look what you're doing! You don't want me! Stop this - "  
  
"I need it. It's driving me crazy. I wake up in the middle of the night with no one next to me. It's so cold. So empty. I hate it. I can't take it anymore. ...I can't take it.... The silence is so hard to listen to. There's no one to call out my name, no one to snuggle up to, no one...."  
  
He spoke in confused sentences, his voice full of sadness.  
  
"I won't make it any better. I'm not Heero. Heero is the one you want - "   
  
"But I can't have him. I need this. I need to feel...."  
  
He kissed me roughly on the lips before traveling down my neck. I tried to fight the tingling in my skin, but it wouldn't leave. I could feel my breaths sticking in my lungs as wet circles were traced over my chest. I hated it, but it felt so good.... I didn't know what to think. I was so confused - I knew this shouldn't be happening. It wasn't right. But Duo was my friend - he wouldn't hurt me. Why was my body was aching for his touch?  
  
"I'm so lonely, Quatre. Please let me...."  
  
I was lonely too.  
  
"I need someone."  
  
Me too.  
  
I shook my head, whipping the thought away from my mind. I needed someone, but not Duo. Duo didn't need me, either. He didn't love me.  
  
A moan caught me by surprise. It took a second for me to realize it came from my own mouth. What was happening to me? Why was I being so affected by Duo? By my friend? By another guy? It didn't make any sense.  
  
"Thank you, Quatre," he whispered. "Thank you so much...."  
  
No. Why was he thanking me? Did he think I had surrendered to him? I couldn't let him. I wouldn't let him.... I took in a deep breath.  
  
"No! Stop it now!" I screamed, shoving all my energy sideways, trying to force him away from me.  
  
"...?" He made a short noise of surprise as he lost his balance and slid off.  
  
I scuttled off the bed and peered down at him, my mind a little befuddled. He looked at me with his sorrowful eyes.  
  
"I'm sorry," he apologized, looking away. "I didn't mean to be so...."  
  
My hands were trembling slightly as I cleared my throat.  
  
"I won't do it again, I - "  
  
"Maybe you should leave," I said quickly.  
  
He looked at me, a little confused.  
  
"But you're in my room...."  
  
"I mean..." I looked away. "Maybe you should leave my house."  
  
My mind was so soggy I didn't care what I said. I didn't even want to look at him after what he had just done.  
  
He stared at me, making me uncomfortable. I gripped the edges of my torn shirt and hugged it tightly against my chest. I tried to keep my eyes on him, telling him I was serious, but I only managed with much difficulty.  
  
When I didn't make any motion to repeal my suggestion, he shrugged.  
  
"If that's what you want." He got off the bed and went to the closet.   
  
"I...."   
  
He stared at me, and my mouth instantly closed.  
  
"Goodbye," I muttered, backing toward the door and opening it nervously.  
  
He simply nodded in my direction.  
  
"S-sorry," I apologized, feeling as though I had to. He sounded mad.   
  
"I didn't mean to upset you. I just thought we were friends...."  
  
What was I to say to that?  
  
"We are, Duo."  
  
"Hn."  
  
"That was just more than I wanted...."  
  
He turned and marched over to me. His stare was cold and stabbing, everything lost behind it. It scared me. I had never seen him like this in all the time I had known him. I couldn't look away, terrified and seized at the same time.  
  
"What about what I wanted? What I need? Isn't that important?" I couldn't tell which frightened me more - his stare or his voice.  
  
Before I had the time to react, he had braced me against the wall with his strong grasp. He licked up the length of my neck slowly, stopping at my earlobe to suck gently. I winced and squirmed away.  
  
He released me and snickered.  
  
"Bye," he said sarcastically, turning from me.  
  
I didn't wait around for him to change his mind. I was out the door and in my room within seconds.  
  
Staring up at the ceiling and curled up on my bed, I tried to think of how Duo could do that to me. We were friends, weren't we? If he was feeling lonely, he didn't have to...to...do that to remedy himself. Why didn't he listen to me? When I was telling him to stop, it was as if he didn't care at all. He was too driven by lust to care.  
  
I shuddered. That disgusted me. I promised myself never to become driven by lust as much as he had.   
  
I touched my neck gently. The saliva made the skin feel cold, tight, and sticky. I tried to rub the feeling off with my hand, but it wouldn't go away. I could still feel Duo's tongue sliding up my skin.  
  
It was nasty. But I was sickened with myself as well as Duo. Had I led Duo to think he could do that? That I might have wanted him to do that?   
  
That was what scared me a great deal, too.... And the fact that we were both boys. The fact that he had kissed me and touched me and we were both boys. I mean, I wasn't like that...was I?  
  
I sighed, wishing Trowa were with me. He could always help me somehow. I needed someone to talk to, but now there was no one. I wasn't too eager to share the events of Duo's room with Wufei. But Trowa would have listened wonderfully. He'd hug me and cradle me and comfort me. I loved it when he did that. He was so warm and so soft, I fell asleep in his arms most of the time. And when I woke up, he would still be there.  
  
I understood the loneliness Duo had been talking about. I, too, wanted to hear a calm, familiar voice and feel the warmth of someone who cared. But I didn't want just anyone, and I didn't want what Duo had tried to get from me.  
  
I decided to stop thinking and nestled under my blankets, wishing tomorrow would never come.  
  
  
  
Dash - Part Three  
  
I woke up the next morning feeling no better than I had the previous night. Duo was probably gone by now. What if Wufei asked where he was? I wasn't exactly enthusiastic about explaining what had occurred in his room. I didn't want him to make any false assumptions or anything....  
  
By the time I got dressed and had come to the table, Wufei had already finished eating his pancakes. He sat with his arms folded across his chest and his back leaning against the chair. He watched me as I sat down.  
  
I waited for him to ask.  
  
"So, have you seen Duo lately? He's usually down here first so he can get all the food."  
  
I looked at him dumbly. He raised an eyebrow, waiting for me to answer him.  
  
"Uh, yeah. He left."  
  
"Oh?" Wufei leaned forward and rested his elbows on the table's edge. "That's strange."  
  
"Yeah. I...."  
  
He really had a piercing gaze. It was hard not to tell him the truth.  
  
"You...?"  
  
"I kind of...made him leave."  
  
He chuckled. "Seriously. Why did he leave?"  
  
"I made him leave."  
  
He stopped laughing and scratched his nose. "Oh. ...Okay...." He sat back on his chair. "Any reason why?" he asked.  
  
"I don't really want to talk about it," I murmured.  
  
"Oh. Okay. Just a fight?"  
  
"Um...sure," I said.  
  
"All right." He decided to leave me alone and looked away.  
  
I let out a tense breath and grabbed for a pancake. He handed me the syrup and pushed the butter closer to me. I ate in silence, occasionally glancing up to see if he was looking at me. Most of the time he stayed concentrated on the chandelier. For reasons unknown, it bothered me how calm he was.  
  
~  
  
"Hey, Quatre?"  
  
"Hm?" I sat up as soon as I heard the soft knock on my door. "Come in."  
  
The door opened silently, and Wufei stepped through in his cat-like manner.  
  
"Have you seen this?" He held up the newspaper.  
  
I cocked my head. "No." My heart jumped as the thought of the Drachens releasing their prisoners passed through my head. I knew I would just be disappointed again, but I couldn't stop hoping.  
  
"Here." He tossed it to me.  
  
I read the headline. Then I read it again. And again. I looked up at Wufei.  
  
"Drachens capture more in Tibithan? But...that's where we are...."  
  
"Keep reading," he instructed.  
  
My eyes skimmed across the words, halting immediately as they noticed a familiar name: Duo Maxwell.  
  
"Duo's been caught?!"  
  
Wufei crossed his arms. "Not even out for a few hours, I'll bet, and already captured. He's too loud."  
  
I felt ill. The Drachens had caught Duo, and it was my fault. I had made him leave the safety of my house because he felt alone. Because he had lost Heero, and he needed someone..... But I felt relieved, too. That feeling of awkwardness would never haunt me if he was never around. I hung my head at the ashamed realization of my selfishness. ...It was just a little hard to help.  
  
"We have to leave," Wufei said suddenly.  
  
"What?"  
  
"The Drachens are in Tibithan. We have to leave."  
  
I set the paper down next to me and nodded. "Right."  
  
"Be packed in an hour."  
  
"Okay."  
  
He left after a brief, reassuring smile.   
  
~  
  
I stared out the window as Wufei drove, sighing occasionally. I couldn't really help it. I felt like crap. In the back of my mind, I kept telling myself I was responsible for Duo's capture. Even if he had done what he did, I probably shouldn't have gone so far as to kick him out. I mean, I knew how he felt. He probably hadn't meant anything too bad...he was just confused. He was just confused and lonely, like I was. And yet, for some reason, I just couldn't feel that bad for him. My lack of sympathy made me feel even worse.  
  
"Something wrong?" Wufei asked quietly.  
  
I turned to look at him. "Oh...nothing, really."  
  
"Are you sure? You'll probably feel better if you talk about it."  
  
He had a point...that usually did help.   
  
"Just thinking about Duo, I guess."  
  
"Yes?"  
  
"If I hadn't made him leave, he would still be safe."  
  
"Now that's not true. He's responsible for himself."  
  
"But if I hadn't made him leave, he wouldn't have gotten captured. He'd still be at home."  
  
He smirked. "You sure?"  
  
I sighed again. He noticed and kept talking.  
  
"Well, if he did something to get you mad enough to kick him out, he deserved to be kicked out. Once on the street, he's responsible for himself."  
  
I thought about that for a minute. "I still feel bad, though. ...Although I kind of don't."  
  
Wufei laughed. "Don't worry about him. He can handle it."  
  
I nodded slowly. "Are you worried about him? And the others?"  
  
He thought for a minute. "I don't know what's going on with any of them, which concerns me a little. But I know they're all quite capable."  
  
"What do you think might be going on with them?" I was almost afraid to hear the answer....  
  
"I have no theories, actually. They may simply be imprisoned with no real threats. That's highly possible. The Drachens just want us out of their way. I don't think they actually want to do anything with us."  
  
"...Yeah." I liked his answer more than the ones I had thought up. I leaned back and gazed out the window again.   
  
"Something is still bothering you, isn't it?" Wufei asked.  
  
"Hm?" I turned to look at him.  
  
"There's something you're unsettled about."  
  
"No."  
  
He took his eyes from the road just long enough to glance at me.  
  
I frowned. That look got me every time....  
  
"Yes...."  
  
He waited for me to continue.  
  
"I don't know what it is, though," I confessed. Actually, that was mostly true, but partially false. I guess I just wasn't sure which of the many things was bothering me the most. I felt lonely. I felt scared. I felt stressed. I was worried. I was worried about Trowa and Heero and Duo - well, sort of Duo. I was worried about the Drachens, I was worried about having to run away. I was worried that maybe Wufei and I would be caught as well. We were among the few who still had their freedom, and at the rate it was going, that probably wouldn't last too long either. For some reason, the Preventers kept losing. Perhaps it was because breaking into the jails and releasing prisoners was impossible. The Drachen guards swarmed around the jails like bees around a hive.  
  
"Don't worry too much about the Drachens," he told me. "They won't get us."  
  
"But they already have most of the Preventers," I pointed out.  
  
"That doesn't mean you or I should give up. Think about it. If we get captured, what would the other guys think? They might be depending on the remaining Preventers to end this whole thing."  
  
They might be depending on us.... They might be depending on me.   
  
"When the Drachens first started, they were extremely secretive and manipulative. That's how most leaders and Preventers were taken. But now that we know about them - what kind of people they are, we might be able to find a way to beat them, as ambitious as that may sound. We must be determined to show them justice," he continued.  
  
I nodded. "But how?"  
  
"Don't give up."  
  
I looked out the window. "Aren't we giving up by running away?"  
  
He didn't say anything for a long time. "Giving up and running away aren't exactly the same in our case. We're trying to find somewhere safe until the time comes when we can carry out justice."  
  
I grinned.  
  
"Did I help?" he asked, a hint of hopefulness evident in his voice.  
  
"Yes, I think so. But there's still something...."  
  
He raised an eyebrow. "Oh? We're becoming quite the worrywart, aren't we?"  
  
I smiled a little, but I had become extremely frustrated with myself. What was it? What was bothering me so much? I just couldn't figure it out. Every possibility I came up with resulted in solving nothing. The harder I thought, the more it tugged at my heart.  
  
"...I just can't figure it out," I told him at last.  
  
"What kind of 'something wrong' is it?"  
  
"I don't know that either."  
  
"...Hm...."  
  
"Have you ever felt like that?" I asked softly.  
  
He thought for a minute. "Yes, I have, actually."  
  
"Did you ever find out what was wrong?"  
  
He smiled slightly, a look of nostalgia gently twinkled on his expression. Apparently his memory was a fond one....  
  
"I was in love," he said quietly. "When I met Meiran...I felt a little like that.... Like there was something different about everything and about myself, but I couldn't figure out what it was...." He blushed a little, much to my surprise.  
  
It was almost cute to see Wufei like that. People don't usually think he's capable of love, but hearing him talking about someone who meant so much to him was sort of...well, refreshing in a way.  
  
He cleared his throat nervously. "But I don't suppose you're in love...are you?"   
  
I thought about it and decided that having to think about it meant that I wasn't.  
  
"No," I told him. "I don't think I am."  
  
He smirked a little. "Make sure you aren't before you say 'no.' Sometimes love can be tricky like that. ...It was for me."  
  
~  
  
By the time we reached our destination, the sunset was a slice of flame that separated the blackness of the horizon from the darkness of the sky. Wufei instructed me to open the door and check out the old safehouse - our chosen destination - while he got our bags.  
  
The aged, familiar scent of the house made me feel a little more at ease. Looking around, I saw that everything was still in the same place as when we left it. The only difference was that most things were covered in dust.  
  
Wedging a stone under the door to keep it open for Wufei, I left the doorway and began re-exploring the few rooms of the safehouse. The last time I had been here was when all five of the gundam pilots had a mission together. It was towards the end of the war, and I think everyone was pretty stressed out.   
  
Poking my head into one of the two small "bedrooms," I smiled in remembrance. Trowa and I had shared that bed once. It was a great comfort to me, and probably him as well. We had been talking about the war - how we felt about it and such - for a long time before going to sleep. It was nice to know I had a friend during that time.  
  
I had to turn away quickly. ...I didn't have that friend now, did I? How I wished I did.   
  
I moved to the other bedroom, but rejected it quickly. That was where Duo had usually slept. I snorted and went back to the doorway.  
  
Wufei was dragging the bags down the hall and toward the rooms.  
  
"Which one do you want? Right or left?"  
  
I eyed the right room - Duo's - and cringed. "Left," I said firmly.  
  
"Okay. Here, you can take your own bag now."  
  
As I started unpacking, my mind drifted back to thoughts of Trowa. If only I could help him get out of the Drachens' control. ...But what could I do? It would be me against dozens of huge guards. My hope level wasn't extremely high.  
  
Were the other Preventers really depending on me? Was I their hope? Was I Trowa's hope? If I was, I wished I could do something to fulfill that faith, however small, he might have in me. It was the least I could do for him after all the comforting and hard times he'd gotten me through. I wanted to be able to talk to him so badly. To talk to him about people, about Duo....  
  
I touched my neck again - the place where Duo had licked me. I could still feel it, and it made me snarl in disgust. I didn't think that feeling would ever go away. It was just so...nasty. Well, if Trowa was still with me, he could probably make it go away. I don't know how, but he always made me feel better. I missed him so much.  
  
As I finished putting the last of the contents in my suitcase away, a strange scene unexpectedly popped into my head.   
  
Trowa had me pinned against a wall, and he was licking my neck.  
  
My fingers immediately searched the skin of my neck to make sure it wasn't real. I couldn't believe what I had just thought.... That was crazy. He would never do that. I would never let him do that. We were friends, not oddball...lovers...or something.  
  
I concluded that the previous night had affected my mind too much, and I just needed to relax.  
  
Sprawling out on the bed, the air around my neck felt heavy. My mind wouldn't leave it alone. I cocked my head to cover that side of it, but it didn't help at all. At last, I touched the skin again, gently stroking it up and down.  
  
I sat up again and realized that the feel of Duo had left me. Trowa had completely erased it, replacing it with himself.  
  
Oh God...this wasn't happening to me....  
  
  



	2. Hate for Love

Disclaimer: Gundam Wing is not, will not, and probably should not be mine ^_^  
  
  
Dash - Part Four  
  
Warnings: violence, heavy use of explosives  
  
The night passed by quickly and mixed with the day in a misty morning. The grass was covered with dew, as were the little leaves on the trees. When I woke, the moon had just disappeared, and the sky was dim from the about-to-rise sun. I slid out of bed and sat by the window, not knowing what to do with myself now that I was awake.  
  
A majority of my time for the next few months was spent sitting by the window. I suppose I didn't really know what else to do. Wufei was plotting the demise of the Drachens and how to free their prisoners most of the time, so we didn't really talk much either. Eventually, time lost most of its meaning. Days were only separated by nights, and it didn't matter how many had passed. I'd lost track, anyway.   
  
At last, on a drizzly day when all the leaves on the trees were full and green, the flowers had bloomed, and the few animals were raising their young, Wufei came into my room and sat on my bed. I shifted my gaze over to him.  
  
"Do you know where we can get some explosives?" he asked.  
  
I stared at him. "Explosives?"  
  
"Yes. I lost the name of that other guy I used to buy from."  
  
I straightened up and turned to him. "And why do we need explosives?"  
  
"It's taking too long for them to make their move."  
  
"Who?"  
  
"The Drachens. So we'll have to move first."  
  
"Are you sure that's a good idea?" I cautioned.  
  
"We can't wait forever. We don't know what they're planning while we're just sitting here. So do you know of anyone?"  
  
"Well, not really, to be honest. I'm sure you can find someone, though."  
  
He sprang up again. "Right. Talk to you later."  
  
I smirked and turned back to look out the window.  
  
Another week went by like that - me sitting by the window and Wufei finding people to give him explosives.  
  
Wufei came into my room again - once he was satisfied with his supplies- and studied me.  
  
"Are you okay? I don't really see you much except at lunch and dinner...."  
  
"Yeah, I'm fine."  
  
He walked in and sat on my bed again. "I'm...sorry I've been so busy figuring the Drachens out - what they'll do next, what we should do next.... I've found us enough supplies. They're hidden in the cellar, just in case you wanted or needed to know."  
  
I nodded. "Okay."  
  
"Do you want to come with me to scout around? You know, check out the defense line a little."  
  
I probably should...but....  
  
"No. Thanks, though. I think I'll just stay here."  
  
"Okay. ...Are you sure you're all right? You seem disturbed."  
  
"I still don't know what it is," I sighed. "I just don't feel right."  
  
He raised an eyebrow. "Wow...it must be something pretty big for you to be thinking about it for so many months.... Well, I hope you figure it out. Have you considered love any more?" he asked teasingly.  
  
I smiled.  
  
"Well, I'm going to be gone for a few hours. In case I'm not back before you go to sleep - good night. I'll see you soon."  
  
"Bye. Good luck."  
  
He nodded, stood, bowed, and left. I heard the front door open and close a minute later.  
  
I ran my fingers through my hair and sighed. Well, wasn't I pathetic? Thinking for months, and I still couldn't figure myself out. I think, almost subconsciously, I still blamed Duo. Why did he have to confuse me so much? To touch me the way he did...and then only to have that touch erased by....  
  
I blushed. ...By Trowa.... By thoughts of Trowa, anyway.  
  
God, was I messed up....  
  
I cleared my thoughts quickly and wondered what to do with myself. Should I stay in my room or go outside? Or should I see exactly what was in the cellar...?  
  
I decided on the latter and shuffled out of my room.  
  
As soon as I unlatched and opened the door, I realized I had greatly underestimated Wufei. He wasn't talking about just any little attack. He had planned a full-blown assault.   
  
I stared in awe at what must have been tons of explosives and couldn't hold back my smile any longer. Looking at all the "supplies" Wufei had gotten made me wonder exactly Ihow/I he was planning on sneaking all of them through the Drachen defenses. Still smirking, I closed the door quietly and re-latched it.  
  
CENTER~/CENTER  
  
By the time I fell asleep, Wufei still hadn't come back. In the morning, I awoke to an empty house. I wondered where he could have been...why was he taking so long?  
  
I dressed quickly and went outside. Could he have gotten lost? I searched the area around the safehouse, but couldn't find him. I expanded my area of search many times and searched for a great portion of the day, but he was nowhere be seen. Eventually, I came to a run-down place of dirty streets and junky alleys.   
  
After a brief search of the narrow streets, I gave up and headed back to the safehouse. The frequent looks from street roamers started to give me the creeps. Plus, this was a site that contained one of the Drachen jails. It wasn't exactly the safest location for me to be. Hopefully Wufei would be back at the house by now, anyway....  
  
I trudged up the slight hill to the safehouse but noticed something when I was about a dozen meters away. There was someone there.... Someone....  
  
A shiver traveled down my spine. IHide,/I I told myself. INow./I  
  
I ducked into the bushes nearby and watched. The person outside the house called to someone inside.  
  
"Find anything yet?"  
  
A faint call from inside answered, "No. He's gone, but I think he'll be coming back. The guy we got has some stuff in here we might want.... Should I take it?"  
  
The guy they got...? Wufei....  
  
"No. We don't want the other one to get suspicious. Let's pay him a visit in a few hours - we can get everything then. C'mon, we'll check out that other place while we wait."  
  
"Roger."  
  
The one from inside emerged from the doorway a few seconds later. As they turned and started to walk, I noticed their clothing - black and silver. The uniform of Drachen guards. I held my breath as they walked by - the ground vibrating slightly under my hands and legs. Those guys were huge - no wonder Wufei had gotten so much stuff to fight with.  
  
I stayed in the bushes and sighed. So now they had Wufei too, and I was their next goal. What was I supposed to do? I couldn't fight them off by myself, could I?  
  
Sometimes I wished I still had my gundam.  
  
I sat in the bushes for a few minutes more, thinking desperately. If only.... If only I had Trowa to help me think.  
  
I scratched my head. What could I do...? How could I break everyone out of the jail...? I had explosives, yes. But how to get them placed and not be caught? And how to place them without hurting the people I wanted to save...?   
  
It was time for me to do something. To think. To act. I'd been sitting down and running away for long enough. Wufei had been working on his computer day and night while I had been gazing by the window. He had done his part. Now all my friends were depending on me, and I wasn't about to let them down. Cautiously standing and looking around, I scuttled into the safehouse and headed straight for the cellar door. I just hoped they hadn't bothered to open it....  
  
Luck was with me. The idiots hadn't unlatched it - its contents were still safe. I sighed a breath of relief - and of nervousness. I opened the door, and my hands shook slightly as I gripped the railing on the wall. I backed out and closed the door.  
  
Wufei's room. There had to be something there. I searched his computer files hurriedly. Network, Missions, Preventers....  
  
"C'mon, c'mon," I whispered. "Where are you?"  
  
Maps. Bingo. Found it....  
  
CENTER~/CENTER  
  
As I lowered myself down into the tunnels, all I could think was, IYou're such a moron, Quatre. What do you think you're doing? This will never work./I  
  
I had no idea what I was thinking or what I was doing. But Wufei had been captured, Duo had been captured, Heero had been captured, and Trowa had been captured. The fear of my own capture was thoroughly sunk into my head. I think I was finally losing it, but it didn't really matter. I suppose one would almostIhave/I to be crazy to do what I was about to.  
  
Clutching my most prized possessions, I snapped on my head light. God did it stink down there.... Although, I guess sewers were Isupposed/I to stink. I tried to block out the stench as I wandered through the maze beneath the streets. Good thing Wufei had a map on file.  
  
As I traveled along the dark tunnels, I planned the next several hours. It would be evening soon. Perfect - my show would be noticed better in the dark.  
  
At last, after close to half an hour, I came to the place I was looking for and set down what I had been carrying. After a few minutes of hooking them up and clipping them to the ceiling of the sewer pipe, I turned to go back to the safehouse. Time for trip two. But it would take a lot more than that....  
  
I took several more trips down the sewer maze within the next hour and a half. And, finally, I crawled out of the ground, dirty and probably smelling like crap. At least I had managed to place most of the explosives under the entrances and guards' quarters of the Drachen jails - or as close to them as the sewer pipes would allow me. I slid my hand into my pocket and fingered the button that would result in the largest fire the city had probably ever seen.  
  
I walked into the safehouse and straight to the cellar door. INo one/I was going to have it easy tonight. I would make sure of that....  
  
After hooking up the explosives in the cellar to another button and changing my clothes, I sat in front of the safehouse, my back leaning against the front facade. I could see the sunset clearly - the clouds were stained an orange-red, tearing through the softness of the graying sky.   
  
However, my attention was soon diverted to the two large silhouettes emerging from beneath the hill's horizon. The final victims had arrived.  
  
They stopped once they saw me and pointed, conversing briefly with each other and nodding. I stood to meet them as they continued toward me.  
  
"Are you or do you know Quatre Raberba Winner?"  
  
"Yes." My voice was surprisingly calm.  
  
"Are you he?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
One of them cleared his throat - he was the pudgier of the two. "You're under arrest."  
  
"Oh? For what?"  
  
"For belonging to an illegal protest group," the other informed.  
  
Hm...that was a new one. The Preventers - a protest group...?  
  
"We've been ordered to take you to the city jail. Come now."  
  
"Of course. But isn't there something you might want from inside?" I asked politely, reminding them of their conversation earlier.  
  
The slimmer one eyed the plumper one before looking back at me. "Yes."  
  
"Well then, come." I led them inside.  
  
While we walked to Wufei's room, one of them cleared his throat and whispered, just loud enough for me to hear, "I'll bet that poor bastard with the hair will be glad to see this one."  
  
The other snickered in agreement.  
  
I turned my head and glanced at them while they continued their conversation.  
  
"You know which one I'm talking about, right? You can only see one side of his face."  
  
My feet faltered for an instant. Trowa...? That had to be Trowa....  
  
"Yeah. Good thing, too. He's damn ugly."  
  
I stifled the growl in my throat. "Here," I said through clenched teeth, ushering them into Wufei's room.  
  
They nodded a thanks, and the slimmer one leaned forward, peering over the desk.  
  
"This is it," he said, pointing to a computer disk labeled "Preventers."  
  
I backed toward the open window as they picked it up and looked at it.  
  
"Thanks," the hefty one said, a hint of sarcasm all too audible.  
  
I nodded, my back almost against the wall and the window. "So, do you want to go now?" I slid my hands into my pockets.  
  
"Yeah. C'mon."  
  
"Oh. But I'm not coming with you now...." I pulled the detonation devices from my pockets and casually pushed the one on my right.  
  
A boom erupted from outside.  
  
"What was that?!" they asked each other, fright visible in their eyes.  
  
"That was this," I smirked, holding up the button in my left hand. They stared at my thumb. "Say 'hi' to the others for me."  
  
I pushed the button, and the floor blasted into a sea of flame and heat. The last thing I heard was a stifled scream as I dove out the window.  
  
  
  
Dash - Part Five  
  
Warnings: angst (seriously...lots of it)  
  
I picked myself off the ground and watched the flaming safehouse.  
  
"Well, that's what you get for talking about my friends like that," I grumbled and started walking away. I was curious to see how my other project had gone.   
  
Once I had come to a spot where I could clearly view the horizon, I saw how it had gone - smoke and dust clouded the night sky, which was now slightly lighted by flames licking the debris on the ground. The front of the whole building had been blown out, as had much of one side and the roof. White vehicles crowded around the remains, so I couldn't exactly see all the damage I had done.  
  
Wait a minute...white vehicles...? I rushed down the little hill and toward the bombed area. White vehicles meant something, I just couldn't remember what. I had seen them before...were they Drachen ambulances? I hoped not. If the prisoners were just taken to Drachen hospitals, everything would have been pointless.  
  
I swore at myself under my breath. I should have thought of that. Of course an explosion of that size wouldn't go unnoticed by the health professionals.  
  
I ran as fast as I could, but by the time I came to the wrecked building, the vehicles had left. The remains were abandoned.  
  
That was fast....   
  
I stomped the ground. It wasn't fair. The Drachens were too fast for me - for anyone. With a great sinking feeling, I told myself that I would never see any of my friends again. No Wufei, no Heero, no Trowa.   
  
No Trowa. No one. No one to talk to on bad days. No one to hold me when I cry. No one to be my best friend. No one to laugh with. No one to watch bad movies with. No one to think with. No one. No Trowa.  
  
I sat down and cried.   
  
I don't know how long I cried for, but I was jolted out of my sorrow when someone tapped me on the shoulder. I turned to see who it was.  
  
An old man stood behind me. "Go home, Kid. There's nothing here."  
  
I sniffled and shook my head. "Too far away," I murmured.  
  
"Just get out of here. This place has been bombed. No one knows what's going to happen - "  
  
I stood. "I know. I did it to see my friend. ...Where have they been taken?"  
  
I could feel him studying me. I'm sure I made no sense to him.  
  
"I don't know. I don't want to know. I suggest you leave before you find out."  
  
I sighed. Well, what else could I do?  
  
"Okay."  
  
He smiled sympathetically and left.  
  
I watched him go for a few seconds before turning toward the edge of the city. After all this...I would end up basically where I started. Where should I go next? Should I go back home? Back to Tibithan? The Drachens might still be there, though. I really had no way to know.  
  
I started walking. Even if they were still there, it didn't matter anymore.  
  
Before I left the city completely, I turned back to look at the dying blazes on the horizon. Where were they? If only I knew....  
  
~  
  
There was no way I could get home except by foot. The truck Wufei and I had taken didn't work anymore, and I didn't want to ask anyone for theirs. Plus, the walk would probably do me good.  
  
Although it had only taken several hours to drive, it took me nearly five days to get home. I reached the city border at night, and by that time, I was tired, thirsty, hungry, and messy. I didn't even want to know what my hair looked like.   
  
The old streets glistened with the drizzles that were passing through. A few people walked with their hands in their pockets. There was one couple who stood on the corner of the sidewalk and an alley. They had their arms around each other and their lips touched delicately.  
  
I had to look away. It made me feel empty to look at them - to know I had no one. No one anymore.  
  
My house came into view at last. I would have run for it if my legs weren't so tired. I smiled at the thought of a warm bed with smooth, soft sheets and warm blankets. My eyes closed as I yawned hugely.  
  
I stepped up the stairs to the porch and scanned the row of bricks in the wall. There was a loose one somewhere....  
  
I found the loose brick and pulled it away, seeing the key that I had placed there was still behind it. "Yay," I said sleepily, plucking it from its resting place and turning to the door.   
  
The key almost dropped from my hand as I noticed a dark-colored lump heaped up on the other side of the porch. I stepped toward it cautiously, having no idea what it was. The darkness of the night didn't help my vision either.  
  
It coughed, and I backed away.  
  
"H-hello?" I asked timidly.  
  
It coughed again, more violently this time. It sounded pretty sick. Once its coughing attack was over, it wheezed in a breath and spoke in a raspy voice, "Quatre...."  
  
That voice sounded familiar, but the hoarseness was masking it.  
  
"Who - ?" And then it hit me. "Oh my God. Trowa...?!" Trowa! It's Trowa! My mind and body were nearly shaking from excitement.  
  
He coughed again. I fumbled with the key to get the door open.  
  
"Trowa, come inside. Oh my God. How long have you been here?"  
  
"Th...ree days," he coughed. He made no motion to stand.  
  
The door swung open and I flicked on the lights.  
  
"Come on inside."  
  
He lifted his head and winced as he began to stand. He nearly fell as soon as he was on his feet. I reached out to give him an arm.  
  
"Thank you," he said in a scratchy voice.  
  
I guided him through the door. He squinted as soon as the light hit his eyes and turned his face away. It was then that I noticed the red marks residing on his ear and his nose.  
  
"Trowa, what - " I started to ask, gently touching the side of his face.  
  
His only response was a groan before he passed out on the floor.  
  
~  
  
He drifted back into consciousness about twenty minutes later. His glazed eyes opened and seemed to look right past me.  
  
"Quatre," was the first word he said. He coughed dryly.  
  
"Shh, don't say anything," I told him. "Let me get you some water." I dashed into the kitchen, filled a glass with water, and quickly brought it back to him. He was trying to sit up.  
  
"Here," I said, kneeling next to him and offering him the glass.  
  
He just stared at it. "I can't," he whispered.  
  
"You can't?"  
  
He struggled to lift his arm. "I can't," he repeated, and I saw what the problem was. His wrist dangled loosely from his arm. His fingers were gently curled, and he tried to move them, but nothing happened. I noticed that his little finger also carried the same marks as his ears.  
  
I set the water down and lifted his head into my lap. "Trowa, what happened?" I asked softly, taking the water again and bringing it to his lips. He closed his eyes and drank as if he hadn't drunk water for weeks.  
  
"Thank you," he said, eyes still closed, head resting on my thighs.  
  
"Are you hungry?"  
  
He nodded wearily.  
  
"Okay. I'll be right back." I shifted his head to a pillow and went back to the kitchen.  
  
My head was spinning. What happened? I felt like I was going to throw up. I'd never seen Trowa so broken-looking. Not just physically, but everything about him looked broken. His eyes weren't shiny like they used to be. They just looked dry and dull. He looked dry and dull all over.  
  
I brought him some spaghetti. It was the only thing left in the pantry.  
  
He opened his eyes when I came back and fixed himself completely upon the spaghetti. I knelt and proceeded to feed him. His appetite was voracious.  
  
"Wait," I said, putting the spaghetti aside. He looked at it longingly. "You haven't eaten anything for the past three days?"  
  
He shook his head.  
  
"Maybe you should gradually get your stomach used to food again," I suggested.  
  
He sighed and nodded.  
  
"Here's one more bite."  
  
He ate it gratefully.  
  
"Do you want to go upstairs now? I can fill the tub for you, or you can just go to bed if you'd like."  
  
"No bath. I think sleep is all I need now,"   
  
I nodded. "Okay. ...Do you...need help getting up the stairs?"  
  
"N-no. It's fine."  
  
"All right," I managed to smile. I was dying to ask him what happened to him but decided against it. He looked awfully tired. "I'll stop by in the morning and see how you're doing."  
  
"Thank you, Quatre," he said softly, beginning to sit. As soon as he did so, he placed a hand - or forearm, rather - on his head and shut his eyes tightly.  
  
"You okay?" I asked, beginning to place a hand on his back.  
  
"Fine," he said. "Just a headache." He struggled a minute more to shift his position so he knelt on the ground.  
  
"Are you sure you don't need help?"  
  
"Yes. I don't want to be too much of a burden...."  
  
I smiled and slid my hand under his arm. "You're far from being a burden. Trust me. If you want help, I'll be more than glad to give it."  
  
"But...."  
  
"Shh. I want to help you," I reassured him. My voice dropped to a whisper. "Whatever happened, I want to make you feel better."  
  
He stared at me for a long time after I said that.   
  
Eventually, he looked away and rubbed his eyes with the back of his limp wrist. "Okay," he said. His voice sounded strained.  
  
"Ready to go?" I asked quietly.  
  
"Yes."  
  
I stood slowly, gently pulling him up with me. Once on his feet, he looked as if he was in a great deal of pain.  
  
"All right?"  
  
He nodded and started walking toward the stairs.  
  
It took much effort from both of us to get upstairs. As soon as he had placed one foot on the next step and lifted himself up, he waited and rested the other foot. He had one arm looped around the railing and the other slung around my neck. I had to be careful not to touch his hands, too. I wasn't sure if it would hurt him or not, but I wasn't too eager to find out the hard way.  
  
Once we got upstairs, I led him to the nearest bedroom.  
  
"Is this one okay?"  
  
"Yes, perfect," he said.  
  
I walked him to the bed and let him sit down. "If you need anything, I'll probably be pretty close by. I'll come see you in the morning," I smiled.  
  
He nodded. "I really appreciate it. Thank you."  
  
"No problem at all." I noticed he was still wearing a heavy coat. "Do you want me to take your coat?"  
  
He shook his head. "No. I'm...a little cold."  
  
"Okay. I'll see you later."  
  
"Good night."  
  
I stepped into the hallway and closed the door silently.  
  
~  
  
As I told him, I went up to his room the next morning at around eight o'clock.  
  
"Trowa?" I called, knocking lightly on the door.  
  
No answer.  
  
I opened the door and peeked in. Seeing he was still in bed, I decided it was safe to enter. I knelt next to his bed and watched him for a minute. He breathed deeply, a little wheezy at the end of the inhales, but he sounded much better than he had the previous night. His hair was a dusty and tousled, and his face was a shade darker as well.   
  
He stirred a little and flopped over onto his side, facing me. The sheets fell off him a little, and I noticed he still hadn't taken off his coat. One hand lay half-curled beside the pillow. His long eyelashes fluttered briefly before deciding to rest again.  
  
Something compelled me, right then. He just looked so sweet when he was asleep. I lifted my hand and cupped his cheek in my palm.  
  
His eyes flew open, and he looked at me. And yet he didn't seem to see Ime./I He gasped and rolled over so his back was all I saw.  
  
"I'm sorry," I apologized, standing up. "I didn't know you'd wake up. I don't know what I was thinking. I hope I didn't scare you. I didn't mean to - "  
  
"It's okay," he said quietly. "You just startled me, that's all. ...I guess I've become sort of a light sleeper lately."  
  
"I'm really sorry.... I hope you can fall asleep again. If you need it, I mean. I wouldn't want to make you get up if you're still tired."  
  
He turned his head to look at me before rolling over again. "It's fine. I got enough sleep. Don't worry about it."   
  
"Okay. If you're sure...."  
  
"Positive."  
  
I smiled. "Do you want some breakfast?"  
  
He nodded vigorously.  
  
"I'll bring it up to you. Be right back!"  
  
I hopped down the steps and into the kitchen. It wasn't until then that I realized I had no idea what to make him.  
  
I walked up the steps again and went into his room.  
  
"Trowa, do y - " I stopped and grinned once I realized he had fallen back asleep. I walked over to his bedside again and looked down at him.   
  
I turned to leave again when something - a small container - on the nightstand caught my eye. I bent down and looked at the label. It said:  
  
"Evantice: For severe muscle pain and strain. Prescription only."  
  
  
Dash - Part Six  
  
Warnings: major angst - torture, mainly (for more information, go to: http://www.amnestyusa.org/stoptorture/fast you can make a difference!!)  
  
Severe muscle pain and strain? I studied it a little longer before deciding to leave it alone. It was Trowa's - I had no business with it.  
  
I went back downstairs and decided to come back in another couple hours. I fixed myself a cup of peach and passionfruit tea and sat down at the dining room table to think.  
  
The Drachens must have done it to him. But done what? Obviously he had been mistreated, but to what extent...? The red marks could have simply been scrapes from typical jail procedures, but what about his wrists? They didn't look broken, and even if they were, how could both have been broken? It just didn't seem likely.... And the pills. Severe muscle pain and strain.... Maybe he had pulled a muscle while escaping the bombed building?  
  
I rubbed my forehead. But why had he passed out?  
  
Lack of food and water, right? From the three days he was on my porch. That made sense....  
  
I stared into my cup of translucent, brownish tea. I was missing something significant. I think I knew what it was...but I didn't want to accept that idea as reality.   
  
I slowly sipped my tea, trying to dawdle as much as possible. Once I had finished my cup, I checked the clock and decided to start making his breakfast. Letting Wufei cook every meal at the safehouse had left me somewhat handicapped, and my creativity and skills in the kitchen were much less than average. I figured I should give myself awhile to practice.  
  
Finally, after burning six pancakes, three biscuits, an egg, and smooshing several strawberries, I resolved on toasting some bread. I brought it up to Trowa's room with a little jam and a glass of juice.  
  
His door was slightly open from when I had last left. I could see that he was awake now and sitting on the bed. He had something in his mouth that he was - or trying to - chew it.  
  
I pushed the door open with my foot and he dropped whatever was in his mouth immediately. He brushed it out of my view.  
  
"I hope toast is okay," I smiled.  
  
"Fine," he said, eyeing it hungrily. I sat next to him on the bed and placed the plate on his lap. He stared at it. "Um..." he looked at his hands. "They're still not really...working...."  
  
I picked up the toast for him.  
  
"Thank you," he said softly, looking a little uncomfortable about having to be fed in such a manner. He took a huge bite, chewed briefly, swallowed, and took another huge bite.  
  
"Slow down," I grinned, "It's not going anywhere."  
  
He looked at me almost shyly. "Sorry...." He took a slightly smaller mouthful than before.  
  
After finishing off everything I had brought up, he licked his lips and sighed, satisfied. He glanced at me out of the corner of his eye and cleared his throat. "Quatre?"  
  
"Yes?"  
  
"Could you...do something for me?"  
  
"Anything."  
  
"Would you open this...?" He pushed a bottle of pills - the same pills I had seen before - toward me.  
  
"Sure." I took the bottle of Evantice and opened it for him.  
  
"And could you...take one out?"  
  
I took one out.  
  
He mumbled, "And put it in my mouth?"  
  
I smiled and held it up to his lips. He took it tenderly, his dry lips brushing against my fingertips.  
  
He swallowed it quickly and lay back down. "Would you mind too much if I went back to sleep?"  
  
"No, I don't mind at all. Rest all you need to." I slid off of his bed and looked down at him. "Sleep well."  
  
His lips turned up a little, and he nodded before closing his eyes. I left him as soon as I heard his breathing deepen.  
  
I meandered through the house while he slept, looking for things to do while I waited for him to wake up again. When I walked by a mirror, I realized there was something I had neglected to do - take a shower.  
  
I frowned at myself for forgetting how dirty I was. Well, seeing Trowa was much more important than taking a shower. But still...he must've thought I looked terrible.  
  
...Not like it really mattered to me what he thought of my looks or anything....  
  
I hustled myself into the shower.  
  
~  
  
A few hours later, I walked by Trowa's room again. The door was still slightly ajar, and I could hear little noises coming from inside.... They sounded like sobs....  
  
I knocked lightly. "Trowa?"  
  
A sniffle. "Yes?"  
  
"Are you all right?" I pushed the door open an inch more. He was sitting with his back against the headboard, his legs straight out in front of him. He clutched a pillow to his chest.  
  
"...You can come in. It's okay."  
  
I opened the door the rest of the way and approached his bedside.   
  
He looked up at me with pink eyes. His voice sounded constricted as he said, "Sit?" I crawled next to him, and he sighed shakily.  
  
"You okay?" I softly asked him again.  
  
He closed his eyes and shook his head slowly. "No." With that word, he broke into tears again. I put my arm around his shoulders immediately and pulled him toward me. He abandoned his pillow and came to me willingly.  
  
"I...they...what they did...." His phrases were choked out of his mouth as he leaned his head against my chest.  
  
"Shh...." I stroked his hair. "What did who do?"  
  
He pressed his cheek against me and curled one arm to his chest and the other around my back. He tried to inhale and exhale deeply a few times before sniffling, "The Drachens. They...." I could feel him shaking his head as new whimpers surfaced. He couldn't go on.  
  
The Drachens. ...So they had done something.... Something I wasn't going to like.  
  
Bastards, I mentally noted.  
  
Eventually, after nearly an hour, he quieted, and his breathing returned almost to normal.   
  
He sighed and shifted positions, forcing me to release him. His eyes looked at me sadly, as if he was an injured puppy. "...They did this to me..." he said softly, studying his hands and fingers.  
  
I started to move toward him, but he stopped me by quickly saying, "Would you mind starting a bath for me?"  
  
I nodded. "Sure. Want bubbles?"  
  
He blinked. "Okay."  
  
I left to start the bath for him. 'They did this to me.' I hung my head - my fears were confirmed. It seemed more than likely that Trowa had been tortured. My own vision became blurred with tears. What a bunch of...bastards. That's what they were. How did they get off touching Trowa like that? Like...however it was they had touched him. What had they done? What were those marks on his ears and nose and finger? Why couldn't he move his hands? What was he hiding beneath his coat?  
  
I swore at whoever had done it to him. I hoped they burned in Hell. I hoped I had sent them there. I hoped....  
  
I started the water running and poured in some bubble bath.  
  
I hoped they'd be tortured eternally. Then they'd know how it felt. They'd know how Trowa felt when they'd done it to him.  
  
But...how had Trowa felt? I stared at the water gushing from the faucet as the thoughts crept into my head. Had he cried? Had he screamed? ...Did he get used to it...? How often had it happened? What had happened? How much did it hurt?  
  
I shook my head. I felt terrible for him. To have something like that happen.... Did he have any faith in mankind anymore? I hoped so. And if not for mankind, for me at least....   
  
The tub filled slowly. When it was nearly done, Trowa stepped into the room and next to the tub.  
  
"Thank you," he said, beginning to remove his coat for the first time since he entered the house. I blinked and stared at what I saw of his figure. Although his clothes hid him somewhat, it was obvious that he was even thinner than I had last seen him - which was quite an accomplishment. His sleeves were a little shorter than the length of his arm, and his slender forearms protruded from the wrinkled cloth to reveal his slightly scratched up skin.  
  
I took note of it before he hustled me out of the room.  
  
"I can take it from here," he told me quietly as he pushed the door closed. I stayed in the hall for the next few minutes, though, listening and making sure he was okay. I could hear him having difficulty removing his clothes - which I suspected was extremely hard to do with impaired use of fingers....  
  
Too bad I couldn't assist him....  
  
No. Bad Quatre. I rubbed my face with my hands. What are you thinking?   
  
I marched down the hall and flopped down in front of the TV. Good...TV...don't think about Trowa....  
  
I started flipping channels and finally settled on a documentary about Carpenter ants. It was terribly dull, and by the time it was over, which was about forty five minutes later, I could barely keep my eyes open. I turned it off and stood.  
  
Was Trowa still taking a bath? He should have been done by now....  
  
I walked back to the bathroom and knocked lightly on the door. "You still in there?"  
  
"...Yes...."  
  
I thought for a minute, hesitating before asking the question, "Is everything okay?"  
  
"...Well...."  
  
"Do you need me to get you something?"  
  
"No. ...Could you come in? Maybe?"  
  
"Sure." I opened the door. Trowa was sitting on the floor, still fully clothed. I couldn't help but raise an eyebrow.  
  
"I guess I couldn't take it from there," he mumbled. "I don't...want to ask you to...." He looked frustrated with himself.  
  
I walked over to the tub and tested the water. It was cold. "Let me refill the tub for you, first. Then I can..." I suggested.  
  
He nodded. "Okay."  
  
I drained the tub and started the water running again before turning to Trowa. "Um... how...?" I tried to force the blush in my cheeks to stay down.  
  
He licked his lips in thought. "Maybe if...." He stood with difficulty and stepped toward me. Looking away from me, he lifted his arms timidly.  
  
I nodded and took the bottom of his shirt in my hands, pausing a second before lifting it up and over his head. With the shirt out of the way, I couldn't help but gawk at what I saw before me. I could clearly see each of his ribs and his collar bone, which protruded from his rough-looking skin. Occasional marks and scars ran across his chest and stomach, and when he turned away slightly, I noticed that he had a few on his back as well.  
  
"Oh my God.... Trowa - ?"  
  
"Don't look at me. Please." The shame in his voice was too audible. I felt like my insides were being squeezed.  
  
I stepped closer to him and touched his arm. He turned his head farther away. "Trowa, you can talk to me if you need to. ...Please talk to me."  
  
He cleared his throat. "Let me get into the tub first. ...I'm cold...."  
  
"Okay."   
  
He turned around again to face me.   
  
"So now how...?"  
  
He coughed a little. "I don't know...."  
  
We stared at our feet for another minute before I lifted my hands and, with extreme caution, unbuttoned Trowa's pants.  
  
"Sorry," he whispered.  
  
His voice startled me, and I jumped a fraction of a distance from the floor. My reaction startled Trowa, in return. He flinched as I started to unzip him.   
  
I could feel the redness growing in my cheeks as I slid his pants down his legs. He stepped out slowly, now wearing only boxers.  
  
"You can...take those by yourself, right...?" I asked.  
  
"Yeah." I turned around as he slid them off and slipped beneath the bubbles in the tub.  
  
I studied the wall. "Do you need any soap?"  
  
A pause. "Yes."  
  
I grabbed some soap from a drawer and held it out for him.  
  
He bit his lip. "I...don't know if I can...."  
  
I picked up a sponge and knelt behind him. "Don't worry about it. ...Now please...tell me what happened.... I want to help you." I dipped the sponge in the water and rubbed the soap against it. He inhaled deeply as I put the sponge to his back and rubbed in gentle circles while his story began.  
  
His voice was slow as he recalled. "...Well...they took me and a few others into the woods and bound our hands behind our backs. The jail was only a few miles away, so we ran all night to get there - through bushes. ...They just...put us in a little room, we all had to stand up and wait for someone to come and open the door. They came after a long time and divided us up, putting hoods or bags over our heads. I was taken, hooded...I had to stand...it's hard to explain." He stopped talking while he gathered his thoughts. He continued a few seconds later, "It hurt my wrists and my ankles - I could feel the blood flowing out of my arms. ...But they wouldn't let me move. If I did, I was...." He stopped again and exhaled, creating ripples in the water.  
  
I moved the sponge along his shoulders. "It's okay, you don't have to tell me everything if it's too...uncomfortable...."  
  
He nodded. "I had to stand like that for I don't even know how long. But at the end, they gave me a little water, a little bread, and they dragged me off to some...someone. He wanted to know names. Names of Preventers. I wouldn't tell him. I couldn't tell him. I felt so..." he whispered, "scared."  
  
The sponge slid down his left arm. He breathed shakily and went on. "They brought me to another place and took my hood off. I sat in a chair while one of them brought in a little black...box type of thing with wires sticking out of it. They clipped the wires on to me..." he gestured to his ears and nose, "...There. Then they turned something on the box and...it...hurt. Not a sharp pain...but a constant dull one." He paused, seeming to be thinking about it for the first time. "It stayed there...for a long time...just buzzing dully...but painful in a strange way...."  
  
I ran the sponge down his right arm while rubbing some soap onto his neck. I was listening to what he was saying, barely able to believe my ears. ...Electroshock...?   
  
"I was re-hooded and taken to the same person after they had finished with the black box. ...He tried asking me again - to tell him the names of other Preventers.... I still wouldn't. They took me away again and..." he searched for the right words, "...My feet. They were bare, and the Drachens - with their boots - kept grinding their heels into my toes...." He shuddered.  
  
I touched his shoulder with my fingers reassuringly when he stopped talking.   
  
He cleared his throat, "They took me back to the person who wanted to know names of the Preventers. I still wouldn't talk, so they kept doing things to me. ...They put me in a small, dark room, with no one in it. I still didn't take off my hood, though. I was too afraid they might be watching me...waiting for me to do something wrong. I didn't sleep very much, but when I did, it didn't do any good. I'd be woken up with a poke from a sharp...stick...or something like it. I couldn't see it. I could hear laughing, but I didn't know where it came from. I could hear someone saying I was a baby - I kept screaming for..." he stopped momentarily, "For someone...while I slept."  
  
I closed my eyes. He had cried out for someone...? He had been all alone, and they had made fun of him.... How heartless could someone be?  
  
"A little while later, they joked about having caught Heero, and then Duo, and then Wufei...."  
  
"Could you turn around? I'm sorry to interrupt...."  
  
He nodded and turned around. I rubbed some soap onto my fingers and touched his neck lightly.  
  
"They told me what they were doing to them.... They made me...watch...what they were doing to Heero...." He closed his eyes. "It was so terrible.... If you've ever been forced to watch your friend...being hit...and shocked...and suspended by the wrists.... It's so...disgusting what they did. And then they did it to me. ...Again and again and again. The questioning, the shocking, the questioning, the beating, the questioning, the humiliation, the questioning.... All the questioning...."  
  
His voice diminished into nothing as he tried not to cry. I ran my soapy fingers along his cheeks and whispered a few comforting words before he took in a deep breath and choked out more.  
  
"They told me they had you. They told me what they had done, what they were going to do. It was all my fault.... But they wouldn't let me see you.... They laughed at me when I protested. I couldn't stand the thought of seeing any more...friends...being treated like that. I didn't want it to happen to you."  
  
I began to sponge off the soap on his face. He closed his eyes, his shoulders shaking once before he reopened them and looked straight at me.  
  
"They didn't get you, did they? I didn't see you at the Center we were taken to. ...I was afraid you had gotten hurt...." His voice was full of concern.   
  
I shook my head. "No. I was never caught."  
  
He sighed and closed his eyes again. My little finger accidentally ran against his bottom lip.  
  
"Sorry," I whispered.  
  
" 's fine," he whispered back.  
  
"...I'm sorry about what happened to you.... I wish I had done something sooner," I said softly, angry with myself for having been so neglectful.  
  
He opened an eye. "I'm just glad whoever bombed the jail did it when he did.... They were planning...something worse...for me...."  
  
I let myself smile a little. "I'm glad I bombed it when I did, too."  
  
He opened his other eye and eyed me. "...You...?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
He blinked. "You...you did?"  
  
"Many people underestimate me."  
  
He stared, his lips slightly parted in surprise.  
  
Suddenly, he pulled his arms out of the bathtub and hugged me tightly - nearly soaking me in the process. Now I knew I was blushing profusely. I hugged him back.   
  
"Quatre...oh God...how can I ever thank you enough?"  
  
I lifted my hand up to the back of his neck. "It's enough that you're here." I felt my old tears being renewed - how I'd felt when I'd lost him, when I was alone and thought about him, and now how he was with me again - in my arms, even.... "I missed you so much..." I whispered.  
  
He rested his cheek on my shoulder and spoke in his constricted voice. "...I wanted to see you so badly. Even seeing you just once would have gotten me through another year. ...My thoughts of you...that's what kept me going."  
  
That made my stomach feel fluttery. I knew he hadn't meant those words romantically or anything, but...God did they sound sweet. No, that's wrong, Quatre.  
  
He shook his head and pulled away. "I'm sorry."  
  
Sorry? Don't be sorry...! Keep talking, please....  
  
"For what?" I asked gently.  
  
"For saying what I said.... I didn't mean to sound so...."  
  
I nodded. He didn't mean for it to sound like he was in love with me...unfortunately. I slapped myself in my mind. Stop it, Quatre! Stop thinking about him like that.  
  
We avoided eye contact after that. He dipped his head underwater, and I massaged shampoo into his hair. After rinsing, I turned my head and held out a towel while he stepped out, then turned around completely as he took it and, with slight frustration, managed to dry himself off. He pulled on his boxers and said quietly, "Okay."  
  
I turned back around, but looked at his feet and the floor rather than his eyes. I wouldn't let myself look at him after what I kept thinking....  
  
We dressed him quickly. As I pulled his shirt down, our eyes locked for an instant, staring uncomfortably. He coughed lightly, and we looked away.   
  



	3. Innocence

Disclaimer: I do not own Gundam Wing, nor will I ever own it.  
  
Warnings: still a little angsty, but there's more shonen-ai and sap!  
  
Dash - Part Seven  
  
Trowa improved amazingly over the next two weeks. With the help of his pain relievers (which I learned had come from the Victims of Torture Center that he and the others had stayed at - they were the ones who owned the white vans) and my assistance, his hands began to regain their usefulness. He was soon able to feed, dress, and bathe himself - although it wasn't very effective most of the time.  
  
He sat next to me at the table during breakfast. I had cut his pancake into little triangles for him after he had doused it with syrup. He lifted his fork shakily and poked at the food on his plate. I watched him struggle with it for a minute before he looked up at me.  
  
"This isn't working...."  
  
I smiled slightly. "You need to get your muscles back to normal, though...you have to use them to warm them up again."  
  
He frowned. "I know." He stared at the pancake and placed his fork right above it, watching intently, as if it was about to move, then stabbed it quickly. He smiled in victory as he brought the full fork to his mouth.  
  
He ate the rest of his pancake in the same manner, finishing within about fifteen minutes. As he stood to carry his plate to the sink, I stopped him.  
  
"Wait."  
  
"Hm?" He looked at me as if he had done something wrong and didn't know it.  
  
I stood and stepped closer, studying his cheek. "You have some...syrup...." I reached up and touched my finger to his cheek in an attempt to get the sticky stuff off.  
  
He looked a little uneasy, as he usually did when I was around him. It was strange that he had never seemed to get used to it...but I figured it must have been what happened to him. Who wouldn't be uncomfortable being so close to someone after what he had been through?  
  
His eyes darted to where my finger was, and he said, "I can get it...."  
  
"No, I got it. There's just a little."  
  
He stepped back and turned his head, but I - being unprepared - didn't move, and I found my finger slightly between his lips for a split second.  
  
I brought my hand to my side quickly, and we both turned away. He sidestepped to the sink and busied himself with rinsing his plate. I glanced over at him a second later and saw him washing off the little syrupy spot on his cheek.  
  
A blush rose into my own face. God his lips were soft....  
  
He coughed a little. "Well, I have to go pick something up at the store...I'll be right back."  
  
I turned around, hiding my face as best I could without seeming rude, and said, "Okay." I hoped he didn't notice my extra-pink cheeks.  
  
He nodded and left the room. The front door opened and closed a little while later.  
  
I sighed and sat down at the table again. That feeling of something bothering me was returning, and I still didn't know what it was. I felt unresolved, somehow. Although Trowa had returned, and I had felt better for a while, there was just....  
  
We didn't talk very much. Maybe that was it. That day I had helped him take a bath was the only time he talked about what had happened and how he had felt. I hadn't told him a thing of what went on with me during the time he was there - except for how I had gotten him out, that is. I hadn't even told him about Duo.  
  
I crinkled my nose. I still blamed Duo for making me feel so strange. It was because of him that I kept thinking those unnatural thoughts about Trowa. That was the barrier that prevented me and Trowa from being as close as we used to be.  
  
Frowning, I stood and walked out of the kitchen. I marched up the stairs and into the doorway of Trowa's room. Okay, Quatre...think about Trowa normally. I looked around his room, breathing in the unique Trowa scent that perfumed it. I told myself that this was a person who was my friend. My friend, and nothing more.   
  
Cautiously, I ventured over to the bed, telling myself that if Trowa ever caught me, he'd think I was thoroughly insane. I kept my ears alert to the sound of the front door opening as I sat on the bed and ran my hand over the rumpled covers. I lay down slowly, burying one side of my face into a pillow and breathing in the aroma deeply.  
  
Your friend, Quatre...he's just your friend....  
  
I closed my eyes in relaxation as the sweetness of Trowa filled my lungs.  
  
~  
  
When I opened my eyes, the light was dim, and after a few seconds I realized where I was - still on Trowa's bed. I awoke fully, immediately noticing that things were different. I must have fallen asleep....  
  
I was about to sit up when I saw him - sitting on the foot of the bed, his back to me, his head bent forward slightly. Fear gripped me - Trowa had come back and found me. What would he do? What would he think of me asleep on his bed?   
  
I closed my eyes and pretended to still be asleep. When I didn't hear movement or noise of any kind, I slid one eyelid open just far enough that I could see him but still appear asleep. His shoulders rose and fell in a deep sigh as he moved something around in his fingers. After a minute, he turned to look at me. I shut my eye immediately.  
  
Next, I heard him stand and walk around. A door closed. My eyelid slid open again. Not finding him anywhere in the room, I saw the time as being a good one to escape. I hopped off the bed and dashed out of the room.  
  
I stopped running when I came to the room where I kept all my music and my violin. I shut the door behind me and sat by the window.   
  
I sighed and scolded myself.  
  
"Quatre, what were you thinking when you went in there?"  
  
You were trying to convince yourself that Trowa was just your friend.  
  
"And how was going into his room supposed to help?"  
  
Maybe if...I don't know....  
  
"And what was that all about? Falling asleep on his bed? Why were you lying down on his bed anyway?"  
  
...I don't know....  
  
"I'm never going to think of an excuse for this one."  
  
Tell him the truth.  
  
"What truth? That I wanted to sleep on his bed because he's just my friend? That sounds strange."  
  
....  
  
I heard a soft knock on the door, and my heart jumped.  
  
"Quatre?"  
  
I cleared my throat. "Yes?"  
  
"Um...can I come in?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
Trowa opened the door and poked his head in. "I hate to ask you to do something after...uh...you just woke up, but do you think you could help me out?"  
  
I nodded. Good. We'd just pretend the whole thing never happened. "Sure." I stood and walked over to the door, stepping through it and into the hall.  
  
I swallowed once I saw he had removed his shirt. He held something in his hand.  
  
He shuffled his feet a little before presenting me with what he was holding. It was a small tube of cream, and further examination revealed it to be another type of pain reliever. I looked up at him curiously.  
  
"Do you think you could...? My hands still aren't really strong enough."  
  
I nodded. "Sure."  
  
He turned and started walking toward his room, and I followed a few meters behind. When we entered his room, he sat timidly on the foot of his bed and glanced at me silently. I stood a short distance from the bed for a minute, thinking.  
  
"Um...where?" I asked quietly, still feeling a little odd around him. He gestured to his elbows, shoulders, and hands.  
  
I nodded and squeezed the tube. I licked my lips in thought before climbing onto the bed and placing myself behind him and placing my hand on his shoulder.  
  
He gasped. "Cold...!"  
  
"Sorry!" I rubbed my hands together to warm the lotion up before replacing them on his skin.   
  
I thought I was going to shiver at the surprising softness of him. He seemed to have healed extremely well in the short time he had been in my house. His skin had lost all of its rough appearance and texture, and the bruises had almost disappeared completely. Although scars still interrupted the smoothness, he still looked extremely....  
  
I cleared my throat and concentrated on rubbing his shoulders. After a minute, I felt the tenseness in his muscles be released through my fingers. I continued on to his elbows a little while later, moving to sit on his right side, then his left. I looked up at him and saw his eyes were closed.   
  
I bit my lip to keep my concentration.  
  
As I moved down to his hands and fingers, he let out a breathy sigh. I continued to massage his hand, glancing up occasionally at his contented face. It was good to see his cheeks relaxed, his lips slightly parted, and his eyelids at ease. Most of the time I was around him, he was quite the opposite - closed, tight, and uneasy.  
  
A heavy, barely audible breath from him startled me. I moved to his other hand and stroked his palm, running my fingers down his. He opened his hand to me before curling his thumb toward my touch. My gaze never left his eyes as they slowly opened and returned my look. We stopped movement altogether for a brief moment.  
  
I was the first to look away. "Is that good..?" I asked quietly.  
  
He nodded. "Yes. Very."  
  
I let his hand out of mine and stood. "Well...um...."  
  
"Are you leaving?" he asked, a strange hint of sadness in his voice.  
  
"If you need me to stay - "  
  
"Well, actually, I'd like you to stay. I think we need to talk...."  
  
I froze as my heart pounded. "About what?" I asked cautiously.  
  
He motioned for me to sit next to him. I obeyed.  
  
He fidgeted a little. "Quatre, is something bothering you?"  
  
I acted my most innocent. I'd found I was good at that.... "No, I just want you to - "  
  
"There's something. I know there is." He turned to face me. "...You've noticed there's something...."  
  
I sighed shallowly. "...Different?"  
  
"Yes. Between...."  
  
"Us." I blushed a little. The word, though short and normal, sounded bizarre and foreign in my mouth.  
  
He nodded. "There's something missing.... We're not like we used to be. We barely even talk any more." He sounded so sad....  
  
I lowered my head. So he'd noticed too. "Yeah."  
  
"I don't know what happened in your life while I was gone, but I'd like to know. I miss you, even though you're right next to me. Do you remember when we used to talk until we fell asleep? How you used to make me laugh?"  
  
"Yes...."  
  
His voice had become a whisper. "Where are you, Quatre? As much as I love how much you've done for me, I just keep wishing I could have a little more. I need just a little more...."  
  
I didn't speak. What could I say to him?  
  
He looked at the blankets on the bed and partially distracted himself by tracing his fingers along the patterns. "I want someone again. Someone to talk to. A friend. Someone to play flute-violin duets with. Someone to take my mind away from what I remember and how I feel. ...I want you back."  
  
My arm twitched, but my mind quickly regained control.  
  
"...At the Center, the first day we were there, Relena came to take Heero with her. He recently told me he's doing much better - she helped him a lot. Sally came to take Wufei with her. Apparently he's doing better than he's ever been. And Hilde came to take Duo with her. Duo's extremely satisfied and - "   
  
The mood was completely shattered at Duo's name. I stared in disbelief.  
  
"Wait. Duo and Hilde...?"  
  
He looked at me curiously. "Yes. They were dating for a while, but broke up before his capture. They got back togeth - "  
  
"No no no."  
  
He cocked his head. "No? That's what he told me...."  
  
I clenched my teeth. "But he. Right before. Before he was caught." I scratched my head in frustration.  
  
He looked at me with concerned interest. "What?"  
  
I shook my head. "Nothing."  
  
He touched my hand gently. "No...it's something...."  
  
I looked away again. I heard him move closer to me, and an arm was placed delicately across my back, his hand resting on my shoulder. "Please...I want to know."  
  
After some thought, I consented. He listened intently, nodding occasionally, as I told him about what Duo had done and what he had told me the night of his capture. Of course, I paid close attention not to speak a word of how I had felt - how my body reacted, anyway. I wasn't going to let him make any assumptions about me....  
  
I stopped speaking at last, my eyes unfocused and seeing the past again. I was hauled back to the present only when I felt the silky touch of fingers brush my cheek. I breathed in deeply, not able to resist closing my eyes and resting my head on his shoulder. His shirt was soft.  
  
"I'm sorry, Quatre," he said softly, a hint of anger layered under his voice. "I had no idea.... I don't know why he'd...." He stopped from a lack of words. "He shouldn't have. He told me he had always been with Hilde." He rubbed his lips together. "If I had known what he did to you, I would have gotten on his case at the Center or - "  
  
I shook my head. "No...don't worry about it." I pushed it out of my mind. "...I should be the one listening to you. There must still be things you've been wanting to tell me."  
  
"Shh...no, if it's still bothering you - "  
  
"No, we can talk about it later. You talk to me now."  
  
He accepted hesitantly, speaking in a quiet voice. "If it's okay with you.... It was nice to tell you about what happened, before. If you wouldn't mind, there is more."  
  
I slid off the bed and stepped closer to the headboard. "Come. Tell Quatre your troubles." I climbed on the bed again and leaned against the pillows. Seeing my expressions and actions, he smiled a little, crawling over to me and sitting close.   
  
He jumped immediately into what seemed to be filling him with the most pain - I finally realized how much he had wanted to talk and scolded myself for being so cold. The reason he hadn't been talking to me was because I gave him the impression I didn't want him to....  
  
I listened quietly as he told me all about the anger, the pain, the simple need he felt for sleep and food, the feelings of helplessness, submission, obedience, sadness, worthlessness, and loneliness. After what must have been hours of tear-stained words and memories, he leaned his head back on his pillow and closed his eyes.   
  
"Sometimes my whole body aches from everything. Although I want to, I can't sleep at night. It hurts too much to sleep - I feel like someone will be there, still watching me, still waiting to jab me with their precious sticks and clubs. And when I wake up, I can still hear the voices mocking me. They still say I'm 'just a dirty bastard, crying for his' - " He stopped abruptly and looked at me.  
  
"Go on," I said softly.  
  
He licked his lips and looked down at his tummy. "You," he whispered. "I...cried for you."   
  
For me?  
  
He stopped for a few seconds before continuing quickly. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to. I didn't mean to give them your name if I did. That's the last thing I wanted. I just couldn't help myself...or something...." He glanced at me again. "I hope you don't think I'm...you know...."  
  
I shook my head quickly.  
  
"They thought I was.... That's what they said. 'Crying for his little lover boy.' " He bit his lip. "I'm sorry. I - "  
  
"Shh...it's okay. Don't worry about it." I tried to sound calm, but that was proving to be difficult. Me, Trowa's little lover boy? God,I wish.... No. No, I didn't think that....  
  
I noticed him blush, much to my intrigue and surprise. I had never seen Trowa blush in the many years I had known him.  
  
He suddenly changed the subject back to other methods he had been subjected to while in prison.   
  
---  
  
Dash - Part Eight  
  
  
That night, before going to bed, Trowa coughed lightly and asked me,  
  
"...Would you...um...sleep with me?" He spoke almost inaudibly, as if afraid of the answer or reaction he would receive. "I mean...just in the same room or something. Somewhere nearby? ...I'd feel a lot safer if I had you around. ...I might even be able to stay asleep all night...."  
  
He refused to let his eyes meet mine during his explanation, looking at the ground, the walls, my feet. But, when I didn't reply, he glanced up cautiously, and our gazes locked for an instant.  
  
"Sure," I said softly, seeing the forlorn expression under the greenness of his irises.  
  
He smiled timidly and murmured a "thank you."  
  
I set up a little bed for myself on the floor, and, after finding a semi-comfortable spot, fell asleep. However, I found myself awakened suddenly by the sound of Trowa crying out. I quickly turned on the lamp and saw him sitting, breathing quickly, his eyes frightened, the sheets twisted around his ankles.  
  
I scrambled to sit next to him on the bed while he apologized repeatedly for waking me up.  
  
"Shh...shh..." I cooed as I took him into my arms. "It's okay...."  
  
He attempted to tell his dream in broken phrases and words, though they barely came out between his gulping breaths. "They. Rope. Feet. Water. Couldn't breathe - "  
  
"Shh...it's all right...I'm here...nothing's going to happen to you...."  
  
He took in a deep breath and rested his head on my chest. "Don't let them. Don't let them get me."   
  
"Hush.... No one's going to get you." I began rocking him gently. "I won't let anyone get you. You're safe...it's okay."  
  
"But...so cold." He shivered and curled up. "Hurt. Thought I would die. So scared."  
  
I brought him up onto my lap, bringing him closer to me to help him warm up, my arms tightly wrapped around his quaking body. "I've got you...it's all right...just relax.... There's no water, no rope, no 'they.' Just me. Just Quatre. I'm not going to hurt you. No one's going to hurt you."  
  
"Cold."  
  
I tucked his head under my chin and leaned back against the pillows. "Shh...." I pulled the blankets over his shoulders. "Shh...."  
  
He said no more. He was still trying to slow down his breathing. I continued to rock him and whisper little sounds of comfort. His heaving chest eventually slowed down to normal. My fingers ran across his pale cheek, and he closed his eyes.  
  
With a final sigh, his breaths slowed even more. He stopped shivering, and I felt him gradually relaxing. A small snore told me he had fallen asleep once again.  
  
I watched him sleep, upset with myself for not knowing about his nightmares earlier. Had he woken up like this every night since he had come to me? And I hadn't noticed? It must have been terrible for him...to have no one around to comfort him at all. How could I have been so blind? I never even asked him if he slept well....  
  
I stroked his hair gently with my fingers, its softness strangely reassuring to me. It made me feel better. I yawned and smiled, his warmth making me sleepy again. I watched him for a few minutes more before being able to drift off as well.  
  
The nights continued that way for the next few weeks - whether it was three or four, I couldn't tell. Time passed too quickly for me. Trowa's nightmares became less frequent, and soon we could both enjoy a night of silent sleep. However, my bed still went unused. Trowa confessed he was a little nervous about sleeping by himself again, so I agreed to continue sharing a bed with him.  
  
He continued to improve physically, as well. Pill bottles were left forgotten in drawers, eating was no longer difficult, and he could dash up stairs before you were able to speak a word. He ran up and down the stairs quite often - well, as often as he could find an excuse, that is - since, I think, he was quite proud of his recovery.  
  
I, on the other hand, though thrilled with his accomplishments, was feeling a little down. The feeling of something wrong just would not leave me alone. I did a pretty good job of hiding it from both Trowa and myself, though. ...Until one night....  
  
"Quatre! Quatre, wake up!"   
  
Trowa's voice jerked me from my world of darkness as I opened my eyes and sat up quickly. My head was spinning and felt like it was being squeezed. My lungs could not grasp enough air - I heaved in breaths and forced them out. My mouth felt dry and my throat stuck.  
  
"Quatre, are you okay?"  
  
I looked at Trowa and had to will myself to speak. "Okay. Yeah." I shook my head. "Ow. What's going on?"  
  
"You were dreaming."  
  
Dreaming. Running. Hot. Cold. Dark. "Dreaming. Bad?" I squeezed my eyes shut while my stomach felt like it was being twisted.  
  
He nodded, his eyebrows wrinkled in concern. "Are you sure you're okay?" he asked again.  
  
"I...don't know...."  
  
He scooted himself closer and wrapped his arms around me in a gentle hug. "What's wrong?"  
  
"I don't know," I said again.  
  
He touched my neck lightly. I flinched a little and tried to draw in a deep breath. "Shh...it's all right. Shh...."  
  
"...Did I scream?"  
  
He brushed some damp hair away from where it hung in my eyes. "...Yes...." The pain was obvious in his voice - he was worried.  
  
"I'm sorry," I whispered. "I didn't mean...to frighten you." I couldn't get my breathing under control.  
  
" 's fine," he whispered back. "Shh...relax. It'll help."  
  
I nodded and shut my eyes again. "Okay."   
  
He held my face gently in his cupped hand, stroking the space just below my ear with his thumb. He leaned back slightly to rest his back against the pillows, and my head moved down to his chest.   
  
He cleared his throat. "What were you dreaming about? "  
  
"I...don't remember," I said quietly. My ear had quickly located his heart, and the fast, gentle beat vibrated against me. I sighed, focusing completely on the peaceful rhythm. My lungs began to work again. My own heart slowed to his.  
  
He said something else just then, but I didn't hear it. My eyes were closed, and all sound other than the one echoing from his chest had fuzzed out into the background. I thought sleepily as I listened. There's...something...I have...to do.  
  
...Tomorrow. For now, I'll just stay...right...here.  
  
I placed one hand on his chest and let the other one fall around his waist. The thuds beneath my ear calmed me, and I fell asleep a few minutes later.  
  
~  
  
I woke up late the next morning. My mind being a little groggy, it took me a minute to realize why I couldn't get off the bed - Trowa's arms were still around me. When I looked up, I noticed he was still asleep. His head was cocked slightly to the side and down. His lips were straight except for the slight upturn at the corners - an upturn so small, it was nearly unnoticeable. Not wanting to disturb him - and enjoying his cozy hug as well, - I stayed curled up by his side until he awoke, which was about half an hour later.   
  
I heard him rustle and looked up. He noticed me and smiled warmly. I smiled back.  
  
He patted down my hair and unhurriedly released me from his grasp, asking sleepily, "Want me to make breakfast today?"  
  
I nodded. "Yes, thank you."  
  
"No problem. You just stay and rest. I'll call you when it's ready." He yawned, slid off the bed, grabbed his clothes, and shuffled away to the bathroom to change. I sprawled out on the bed, stomach down, and buried my face in the pillows. Ah, they smelled nice.... Well, Trowa's smelled the nicest. His scent was always clean, but...comfortable. Sort of the way a blanket you've had since you were a kid always smells just right. ...Almost a cuddly smell or something.... It was hard to describe, actually. I just knew that I liked it.   
  
I breathed the scent of the pillow for another few minutes. But, eventually, I pried myself off the bed and went to change as well.  
  
As I noticed myself in the mirror, I put my hands on my hips and scolded what I saw.   
  
Eyeing my hair especially, I told myself, "Quatre, you need to stop looking like you just got a bad case of static electricity." Trowa must think you're one of those "secret slobs."   
  
I frowned and decided to take a shower.   
  
~  
  
Breakfast was unusually quiet. Trowa and I exchanged a few gazes and a few words, but contact between us was, otherwise, almost non-existent. Although, I caught him looking at me frequently, concern still wrinkled across his eyebrows.  
  
As we finished, I cleared my throat. He looked up at me intently, perhaps hoping I would reassure him that I was fine.  
  
I licked my lips and said quietly, "Trowa, I'm going to do something today, and you have to promise something."  
  
He looked a little puzzled, but replied, "Sure. Anything."  
  
"I'll be in the room upstairs - the one where I keep all my music - and I'll be in there for a long time. You have to promise not to come into or near there until I come out."  
  
He raised an eyebrow, obviously curious, but figuring he shouldn't ask. He nodded. "Okay."  
  
I smiled. "Good."   
  
He hesitated a moment before asking, "You're...sure you're all right?"  
  
"I will be if I finish what I need to get done today."  
  
"Okay. If you're sure...."  
  
"I am."  
  
He studied me for a second before nodding in approval.  
  
I washed the dishes while Trowa rushed upstairs. I ascended the stairs a little while later, heading straight for the room I planned on locking myself in for a good portion of the day. I opened the door and, much to my surprise, found Trowa searching through a drawer in the desk where I kept most of my music.  
  
"A-hm."  
  
He turned and looked at me, straightening immediately. "Just...getting my flute and some music?" He grabbed his flute from the cabinet. "I wanted to practice a piece I'd been trying, but I can't seem to find it."  
  
"Check the library. There might be a few music books in there."  
  
He nodded and looked around the room. "Right. Thanks. I'll leave you alone, now." He hurried out of the room and down the hall.  
  
I shut the door behind him and locked it. Walking over to the window, I began. Now....  
  
"Quatre, what's wrong?" I asked myself.  
  
You know what's wrong.  
  
"If I knew what was wrong, I wouldn't be asking."  
  
What did you dream last night?  
  
"I don't know."  
  
Think.  
  
"But I don't remember it."  
  
Remember it. Do you even want to remember it?  
  
"I do."  
  
Think, first, about something related to it.  
  
"How do I do that if I don't even know what it's about?"  
  
Okay, then think about when you feel happy. Think about when you feel sad. It's a start, at least.  
  
"But I don't know why I feel sad."  
  
When, not why.  
  
"I don't know when I feel sad either."  
  
Then when do you feel happy?  
  
"At night."  
  
Why?  
  
"I don't know. Because I can sleep."  
  
Why?  
  
"Because that's what people do at night."  
  
Why are you happy at night?  
  
"Because I can sleep."  
  
No. Why are you happy at night?  
  
"Sleep."  
  
Try again.  
  
"I get tired during the day, so being able to sleep is nice."  
  
What wears you out?  
  
"I don't know."  
  
Yes, you do.  
  
"No, I don't."  
  
Stop struggling.  
  
The conversation with myself continued much like that for a long time. After awhile of getting absolutely nowhere, I was beginning to become a little frustrated. My stomach growled a little as well, wanting something to fill it.  
  
"Don't eat until you figure it out, Quatre."  
  
It's right in front of you.  
  
"I don't know what it is, though."  
  
What are you trying to find out?  
  
"What's bothering me and why."  
  
You know what, and you know why.  
  
"No, I don't."  
  
Yes you do.   
  
"How can you be so sure?"  
  
How can you be so sure? Oh, nevermind. Go play your violin or something. Think about it again in a little while.  
  
I sighed and obeyed, walking over to my violin and removing it from its case. I marched over to the desk and opened the third drawer from the top - the drawer I used for my slow music. I shuffled through a few pieces before one caught my eye. I removed it and studied the notes. It didn't look that familiar....  
  
I tucked the violin under my chin and set the bow to its strings. The music was difficult, and I struggled through it the first few times. It was slow most of the time, but it sounded upset, disturbed. At some parts, it suddenly sped up in a tone of desperation. I found it...well, intriguing would be one way to describe it. Almost capturing. The fourth time through the notes, I noticed a few of the words scrawled beneath them, but, not seeing enough, couldn't tell what the song was about.  
  
After my sixth try, I sat on the floor and read them straight through, curiosity finally compelling me. My lips moved to form the words while I squinted at the small print.  
  
"Sitting next to me, I feel the heat of you. Sitting next to me, we are cold. I want to know you, but do you? We are brave, but neither of us bold. If I love you, will you love me? I want to feel your touch. Can't you see? I want you so much."  
  
The words struck me immediately. I wasn't sure why. I felt an odd compassion for the composer.  
  
"You rest your head, you fall asleep. I lie in bed, feel my skin creep. I want to know the depth of your eyes. I don't want to drown in all these lies. I want to silence all my cries. My cries for you. Tell me. If I loved you, what would you do? Would you let me see? Realize you?"  
  
I continued reading, seized.  
  
"Let me know. May I touch you? I don't want to let you go. May I kiss you? Since I met you, I've wanted to do so. Or should I forget it? I am just a friend to you. Our flame can not be lit. I just don't know what to do. But I can wait. You are my life. You are everything. I must wait. I love you. I cannot let you go. I want you. Let me tell you so."  
  
And that was all.  
  
I sighed, the words of the song depressing me a little. It was a little short, perhaps, but whoever had written it.... He sounded lonely, upset....  
  
Just like me.  
  
"I'm so lonely."/I Duo.  
  
"Have you ever felt like that?"  
"Yes. ... I was in love." Wufei.  
  
"I...cried for you. ... They said, 'Crying for his little lover boy.' " Trowa.   
  
Cries. I skimmed the words of the song again.  
  
"I want to silence all my cries. My cries for you." Trowa....  
  
"If I love you, will you love me?" Love. "I love you. I can't let you go. I want you. Let me tell you so." Tell me.  
  
The loneliness - wanting Trowa to hold me. The memory of a fantasy - Trowa's tongue on my skin. The bombing - wanting to see Trowa again. My porch - finding Trowa, having him at last. The bath - touching Trowa's skin, undressing him, a soaked hug. Breakfast - Trowa's lips touching my fingers. Sleepless and slumbering nights - wrapped in Trowa's arms, or him wrapped in mine. The cries, the words, the smiles, the subtle touches, the urges to hold, to comfort. Trowa.... The friendship, and yet something so much more. The hidden desire and love behind his hands. Behind mine. Behind his words. Behind mine. Trowa....  
  
Trowa. Why hadn't I seen it before?  
  
I stared at the words of the song again. Trowa. My eyes closed, and words were born from my voice which sounded extraordinary to my ears. "Trowa, do I...love you?"  
  
Yes! That's it!  
  
I shook my head. "No. No, he's a guy. I'm a guy, too."  
  
It doesn't matter.  
  
"But - "  
  
It doesn't matter.  
  
"...Oh, Trowa...." Do I love you? I don't know....  
  
Yes!  
  
I touched my fingers lightly to my lips and said the words again. "I love you...Trowa."   
  
Yes! Yes!  
  
I shivered, the adrenaline beginning to control me. "I love you, Trowa."  
  
Yes! Yes! Yes!  
  
"Oh, God, do I love you, Trowa! What was wrong with me?"  
  
You didn't want to see it.  
  
"Trowa, I love you so much...."  
  
Go tell him!  
  
I stopped immediately. "No."  
  
Why not?  
  
"He'll think I'm crazy."  
  
You're an idiot.  
  
I looked at the song again, re-reading the words. "Oh, God.... Trowa. Trowa." His name spilled out of my mouth as if it had been long needing to overflow. "I love you."  
  
Go get him.  
  
I stood shakily to put the song away, flipping the last page over absent-mindedly, a little fluttery from my precious realization.  
  
I froze in my footsteps as the letters on the page reached my eyes. There, on the back, in the same scribbled handwriting as the song had been in, lay the words that nearly made me fall over in shock.  
  
"Impossible Love"   
by Trowa Barton  
  
---  
  
Dash - Part Nine  
  
I stared. "Impossible Love" by Trowa Barton. So Trowa loved someone....  
  
"Is it me?"  
  
Of course it's you.  
  
"No it's not. And if it is, the song is called 'Impossible Love,' anyway."  
  
Your point?  
  
"Note the word 'impossible.' In other words, not workable."  
  
He wants you. He just thinks you don't want him.  
  
"But I do want him!"  
  
So tell him.  
  
"I can't. How do I know he won't hate me?"  
  
Maybe because he loves you...?  
  
"The song is for someone else."  
  
It talks about crying for someone. Who does he cry for during his nightmares?  
  
"...Me...."  
  
Who did he cry for while imprisoned by the Drachens?  
  
"...Me...."  
  
See? Come on. You want to tell him.  
  
I shook my head. "No."  
  
Just who did you dream about last night, Quatre?  
  
"But that was a bad dream. It was a nightmare."  
  
What made it a nightmare? Trowa telling you he was leaving? You trying to run after him but never reaching him?  
  
"Shut up. Leave me alone. ...I'm not telling him."  
  
Yes you are. Tell him or he might leave for real....  
  
"He'll leave if I tell him. He'll think I'm - "  
  
He loves you. The song is proof.  
  
"But...well, what if he met some girl at the Center? Maybe that's who the song is about."  
  
Then why would he have left to come see you? Go tell him how you feel about him.  
  
I glanced down at the song again. "How?"  
  
'I love you,' might be a good way.  
  
"Too simple."  
  
Cover yourself with chocolate syrup, write 'I Love You, Trowa' on your stomach with whipped cream, and let him lick it off you.  
  
"No!"  
  
Well, keep it in mind.  
  
"...Hn."  
  
Don't worry. You'll think of something. Just say it however feels right.  
  
I took in a deep breath. "Okay. I can do this." I ran my fingers through my hair, making sure it was smooth. I checked my reflection in the glossy surface of the back of my violin. "Trowa, I love you. ...No, that sounds wrong."  
  
Don't practice. Just say it. You've been putting it off long enough.  
  
I folded Trowa's song and stuck it in my pocket. Nodding once, I closed my eyes briefly before marching to the door and opening it.  
  
Go on.  
  
"I'm stuck. My legs won't move."  
  
Oh, for....  
  
I rested my quaking hands on the door frame and shoved my feet forward. I'd never felt so nervous in my life. I was amazed I hadn't already passed out.  
  
Why was it so hard for me? It seemed like such a simple thing - only three words to be uttered. But the reaction...what would Trowa say in return? Would he say he loves me, too? He just wants to be my friend? He thinks I'm a sick pervert? ...Nothing...?  
  
I moved down the hall without really knowing where I was going. I didn't even know where Trowa was. I felt like my heart was going to pound right out of my chest. My whole body was tingling and fluttering with anticipation and adrenaline.   
  
Unfortunately, I found him quickly. He was lying down on his bed, staring at the ceiling, a small, closed box on his tummy. Once again, I found myself stuck, unable to pass through the doorway.  
  
He noticed me soon after I stopped at his door. He picked up the box, sat up, and scooted over to the edge of his bed.  
  
"Quatre?" He sounded concerned. I couldn't blame him - I must have looked pretty shaken. "Quatre, are you all right?"  
  
I opened my mouth, but no sound came out. He looked at me curiously for a minute while I stood, rigid, open-mouthed, expression frozen, in the middle of his doorway. He stood and approached me cautiously.  
  
"I - I'm fine," I stuttered. "Really."  
  
He looked straight into my eyes, searching for something within them. I couldn't break the gaze that quickly formed. His eyes were deep, like a pool of enchanted forest. A forest so thick and so rich that it was easy to get lost, but so beautiful you would never want to leave anyway. I allowed myself to get lost for the first time.  
  
He smiled a little and touched my cheek for an instant. "Well, then if you're really okay, there's something I have to give you."  
  
I cocked my head as he presented the box in an open palm.  
  
"What is it?"  
  
"Why don't you see for yourself?"  
  
I eyed him and plucked the box out of his palm. His smile widened a tiny bit more. I opened the lid and peered inside.  
  
"...Trowa...?" I looked at him a little curiously. Maybe he did love me....  
  
He shuffled his feet and glanced away. "...I don't know how often guys wear bracelets, but...."  
  
I picked up the bracelet inside the box. It was made of small, round, slightly cloudy-white stones.  
  
"It's made of quartz, which symbolizes inner strength," he explained quietly.  
  
I smiled. "You think I have inner strength?"  
  
"I know you do."  
  
I fingered the stones gently. It was the most beautiful gift I had ever received.  
  
"Would you mind if I put it on you?" he asked shyly.  
  
"Of course not...." I handed it to him, and he bent forward over my wrist to clip it on. I leaned toward him so my mouth was directly next to his ear. It took almost all of my energy to keep myself from shaking as I whispered, "Thank you. It's beautiful."  
  
I heard him gulp and exhale unsteadily. "...Then it's worthy of you," he whispered back.  
  
My own breathing was beginning to become irregular. My knees felt as if they were about to give out under my fluttering stomach and pounding heart. I lowered my voice even more. "Then...you think I am beautiful?"  
  
He hesitated. "I know you are. You're beautiful and gentle and kind...."  
  
Say it, Quatre! Say it now!  
  
But before I could, he straightened up again, having accomplished putting the bracelet on some time ago. He looked at a few of the decorations on the walls.  
  
"Wait," I said.  
  
He looked at me, timidly. "M-hm?"  
  
I took a step forward. "Did you ever find that song you were looking for?"  
  
He froze. "No."  
  
I pulled the folded sheets out of my pocket and handed them to him. "Is this it?"  
  
He unfolded the paper and glanced at the music. "...Yes."  
  
I nodded. "It's quite a nice song. ...Who is it about...?" I took another step.  
  
"It's about...um...."  
  
"Yes?" I stood directly in front of him and stared into his uneasy eyes.  
  
"Uh...."  
  
I gently placed the tips of my fingers on his shoulder and let them slide down a short distance. "If you love someone, I'd like to know who it is.... Maybe I can help...."  
  
He touched my forearm lightly before grasping it and moving it away. "Quatre...?" He studied me. "Are you sure you're feeling all right?"   
  
"Just fine," I smiled. "...As long as you're around."  
  
He closed his eyes in an attempt to regain control. "Quatre, please don't say things like that. You don't know...what it does to me." A blush rose in his cheeks.  
  
I leaned forward so my lips were next to his ear once again. "I know exactly what it does to you. I feel it too."  
  
He made a small noise of surprise. "You - "  
  
He held is breath as I kissed his neck lightly.  
  
"Quatre - "  
  
"Shh...." I slid my hands up his chest.  
  
I could feel him struggling for air.  
  
"...I love you, Trowa."  
  
It felt like he melted into me as soon as I had said those words. He wrapped his arms around me and held on so tightly I could feel his heart pounding through our clothes. "Quatre...." He paused to kiss my ear. "Quatre, I love you.... I've been wanting this for so long. ...I love you, I love you, I love you...." He kissed my neck, and shivers flew down my spine.  
  
I nuzzled against him, my arms around his shoulders, my face buried in his turtleneck. "I'm sorry for not noticing it sooner. I love you, and I didn't even let myself see it. ...I accepted it today. It was too powerful to ignore any longer."  
  
He straightened and looked into my eyes, his own filled with so much passion I thought I'd have to lean against something to keep me on my feet. "And you're sure you're okay with it?" he asked softly.  
  
"With loving you?" I kissed his lower lip. "Positive. I've never felt like this before. ...I don't think I'll ever feel like this about anyone again."  
  
He closed his eyes and kissed my lips, then whispered against them, "I won't argue with that...."  
  
My hands slid down his sides, only stopping when they reached his hips, where they rested snugly. His breaths were heavy against my cheek as I whispered words of my affections.  
  
He smiled. "Am I dreaming?"  
  
"I don't think we would be dreaming the same dream."  
  
"It's just so...it's hard to believe. I never thought that anyone really loved me." He spoke quietly, his expression and voice tinted with loneliness. "I mean...Catherine...well, she's like a sister to me, but...beyond that, there was no one." He smiled sadly. "When I first fell in love with you, I tried to stop myself. I thought I knew you would never return any kind of those feelings, and the longer it went on, the worse I'd feel. It hurt so much, but I just couldn't get you out of my mind. You were always with me somehow...."  
  
I smiled a little, touched by his confession. "I hope I can make up for all the pain I've caused you...."  
  
He shook his head. "You've already washed it all away."  
  
I stepped forward, causing him to step back - towards the bed. "You're sure...?" I licked under his ear lightly. "There's nothing you want me to do to make up for it...?"   
  
Other than his rugged breathing, he was completely frozen. "Quatre - ?"   
  
I grinned. "Just kidding."  
  
He nuzzled my neck. "You sure?"  
  
I laughed a little, but said nothing in return.  
  
~  
  
Life from that day on was extremely different. Although we still slept in the same bed - though chastely - we awoke to warm sunlight, and the first thing we did when we saw each other was to engage in a set of light kisses. Breakfast was eaten from each others' plates, forks, or fingers. If we happened to get food on our faces, napkins were no longer a remedy, as it was usually kissed off. Mornings were spent playing music or reading nonsensical stories to each other. Lunch was eaten in the same manner as breakfast, as was dinner - after which we usually curled up on the sofa together to watch bad movies with terrible special effects. They always amused us the most. Once the movie was over, and we had climbed into bed again, we fell asleep wrapped in each others' arms. The outside world became nearly unknown to us, and only we existed together.  
  
One afternoon, after lunch, as I was searching for marshmallows to put in my hot cocoa, Trowa unfolded the newspaper. A few seconds later, I heard him make a small noise of excitement.  
  
"What?"  
  
He re-folded it and handed it to me. "Read."  
  
I took the paper and unfolded it again. I glanced up at him and found him with a huge grin on his face. I started to read the headlines. A smile crept upon my lips as well as I saw what he was talking about: Defeat of Drachens.  
  
"No wonder I haven't heard about them lately...."  
  
He laughed. "Well, they had it coming to them!"  
  
I kept reading and found that the Drachens had been pushed out of control by a group of people who simultaneously took over each of their stations, killing many and injuring even more.   
  
"Hn. Enough people finally got enough nerve to do something. Too bad no one did that sooner," I commented to myself, setting the paper down again.  
  
Trowa stood up. "Can we celebrate?" The expression on his face was obviously one of excitement.   
  
I grinned and strolled up to him, laying a hand on his shoulder. "Got anything in mind?"  
  
He eyed my hand before looking at me innocently. "Not especially...."  
  
I slipped my other hand under his shirt. "What do you feel up to?"  
  
"Oh...anything...." He grabbed me by the waist and brought me closer to him.  
  
"Want to stay up late tonight?"  
  
He smiled. "Sounds good to me."  
  



	4. Lemon Meringue

Dash - Part Ten  
  
Disclaimer: I do not claim to own Gundam Wing, but I do claim my obsession with sunsets.  
  
Warning: lemon  
  
That evening, Trowa and I sat on the sofa by the window as the setting sun colored the sky. I sat with my back resting on his chest, my legs in front of me and his legs outside mine. His arms were around me, his hands on my tummy. His thumb stroked my skin through the fabric of my shirt. My hands lazily found their way down his forearms and covered his hands warmly.  
  
He stopped his thumb and poked his nose into my hair. "The sky is beautiful tonight."  
  
I smiled. "Yes. Very beautiful...." I glanced down at the quartz bracelet on my wrist before looking out the window. Clouds filled the sky with lumpy softness, and the light of the sun was tinting their edges a dark yellow. Beneath them, the orange ball was steadily sinking, getting ready for the night, and winking behind the trees as she left the world to the moon.  
  
Trowa's hand slowly slid up to my chest, leaving my own hand behind to rest on my stomach. I shifted my gaze down and caught his hand in both of mine.  
  
I could feel him smiling as I lifted his hand and brought a finger to my lips. I kissed the slightly roughened pad lightly - once, twice - before moving to the next one.  
  
"Quatre..." he whispered quietly against my neck.  
  
I grinned and proceeded onto his ring finger, then his little finger, then moved back to the first one. As I did so, his free hand crept to the edge of my shirt. A second later, he was tracing small circles around my bellybutton.  
  
I inhaled deeply and brought his finger between my lips to where my tongue waited. I sucked on it gently before letting the second and third enter. A slow sigh reached my ears as my eyelids dropped. I felt a kiss on the back of my neck a little while later, and my spine tingled.  
  
I heard him rustling behind me, and I opened my eyes once again. He crawled out from behind me, his fingers sliding out from between my lips. I turned to him as he stood, but was only turned around again - in the opposite direction - as he pushed me onto my back. Soon he was on all fours above me.  
  
"Have I told you how much I love you?"  
  
I smiled a little. "I don't know...maybe you should tell me again, just in case."  
  
He closed his eyes and leaned down to kiss me. At the same time, he parted my legs and pulled them up so my knees pointed to the ceiling. His hands ran down my thighs, under my knees, and down to my ankles, which he brought around to the small of his back.  
  
"Hold me...."  
  
I obeyed willingly, my ankles hooking onto each other and holding Trowa's waist firmly.  
  
His hands returned to my sides, my shoulders, then separated - one moving under my back, the other traveling farther down to my hips.  
  
"I don't think I've told you nearly as much as I want to say," he whispered lowly into my ear.  
  
I enclosed his shoulders with my arms. "Well, feel free to say it now...."  
  
He lifted me from the sofa and began to carry me out of the room. "Not yet...not here."  
  
I started kissing his neck gently as he walked down the hall, stopping only when he set me down again on the bed we had shared for so long while we longed only to share each other. Tonight, the longing would be satisfied.  
  
I unwound myself from him as he turned on the little lamp stationed on the nightstand. We smiled a little as our eyes locked in a deep gaze. He climbed onto the bed and knelt beside me. I sat up to better keep my eyes on his. They were gorgeous in the soft light radiating from the bedside, and as I looked farther into the abyss, I saw all of what he felt - happiness, nervousness, shyness, love, confusion, desire - in a single shimmer of his forested eyes.  
  
I touched his cheek delicately with a comforting finger. He held my forearm with one hand as he brought the other to my chest. He looked away suddenly, our eyelock being broken by timidity.   
  
"Do you...tonight..?" he asked quietly.  
  
I leaned forward and kissed his warm cheek. "Only if you do. ...But if you want to wait - ?"  
  
"No. ...Well...."  
  
I smiled a little and pushed him down onto the bed, lying myself down beside him a second later. "If you do, that's fine."  
  
He turned to look at me. "I don't want to wait any longer. ...But I want to wait, too." He frowned a little and tried to explain. "It's just...if we do...I'll be crossing the border of something I can never return to."  
  
I nodded. "Yes.... I understand."  
  
"And if we don't wait...well, I can't get it back. And I feel like it's the only thing I've been able to preserve so far. My only sense of purity." He paused and licked his lips. "But I want to be closer to you, too. I've dreamed of it for so many years, so many months, days, nights, hours, minutes. And if I ever lost the chance I have now, I'd go crazy with regret for not taking it. I don't know if another revolt will come around, and if it will affect us, and if I wake up one morning, and you won't be there." He stopped again, turning away to look up at the ceiling. He said no more until I spoke.  
  
"There are other ways to be close.... We can wait a while longer."  
  
He gazed at me again. "But I've already been waiting for you all my life.... I've wanted to touch you for so long - I ached to touch you even just for a second." He touched my cheek tenderly. "I don't know why I hesitate now. ...What do you think?"  
  
I smiled softly. "It's difficult to let go of something that has helped keep you pure. But you'll always have this," I touched the middle of his chest to feel his beating heart, "to keep you that way."  
  
He nodded slowly and moved his hand down from my cheek to my neck and to my chest, where it stayed for a minute until he rolled over and sat on me. I looked up at him curiously.  
  
"I can't help it. I want you now."  
  
My smile widened. "So take me."  
  
He kissed my lips as his hands traveled across the buttons of my shirt, nimbly removing each one from its resting place. With each one pushed out of its hole, his kisses became deeper, filling with more and more love and desire. I held onto his hips to keep myself from passing out in sheer delight.  
  
Soon, my chest was bare. He gazed upon me with a little upturn at the corner of his lips, his eyes blissful. I reached up to pull his shirt away.  
  
My khakis soon joined the floor as well, followed by his jeans and our socks. Our boxers stayed on the longest, for we were both a little to shy to remove them. He lay down on top of me and kissed every inch of my face and neck. He moved slowly down my shoulders, chest, and stomach, continuing lower and lower....  
  
He lifted my leg and kissed the inside of my thigh. The breath stuck in my chest as every part of me became paralyzed from the tingling. My breaths slowly returned as he kept moving down the inside of my leg and up my other one, but stuck again as he came closer and closer to where I ached the most.  
  
He avoided it, teasing me insanely.   
  
"Trowa..." I breathed raggedly.  
  
He simply smiled and rested his fingers between my skin and the waistband of my boxers. I couldn't control myself from inching up to make him move closer.  
  
Suddenly, all touch was gone as he moved away from me and sat on the opposite side of the bed. I lifted my head and sat up, a puzzled expression on my face.   
  
"Oh, you want more..?" he asked innocently.  
  
I pulled him closer and lay on top of him. "Much. But now it's your turn...." I kissed him all over, taking special care to lick the inside his thighs and his tummy, but pointedly avoiding his groin. I relished the taste and feel of his skin - slightly salty from the sweat forming on our quickly heating bodies and so soft against my eager tongue.  
  
He groaned my name as soon as I stopped. I smirked a little and rolled him on top of me again. "What about me...?"  
  
He nibbled my neck gently, his hands moving down my sides and along my hips - under the cloth of the boxers. The pace of my heart must have doubled, if that was at all possible. My skin crawled and my insides prickled with excitement.   
  
"Trowa...Trowa...more, please...."  
  
He kissed my neck and sucked on it gently, his hands slowly moving down, pulling my boxers with them. I moaned as waves of delight and anticipation rippled through me.  
  
Time crawled by tauntingly as Trowa's hands freed me of my remaining clothing. When it was finally removed, the air was so silent and still, I could hear it hit the floor. I looked at Trowa - who was sitting beside me - after a minute of complete silence, a little worried something was wrong.  
  
He gazed at me with misty eyes. I started to sit, but he stopped me by placing a hand on my chest. "No, don't move. ...Let me just look a little while longer...."  
  
I blushed deeply, feeling a little odd about being naked in the first place, and feeling even more embarrassed by Trowa's comment. I lay back down, not knowing what else to do.  
  
He smiled a little and apologized. "I'm sorry.... I just never imagined.... You're so...so..." he pressed his lips together, trying to find the right word. "Wonderful. Beautiful. Handsome. Angelic...."  
  
I put my hands on his shoulders and brought him down for a kiss. He submitted willingly, as well as when I slid his boxers off his hips as well. We sat and stared at each other, drinking in the sight of the other with fervor.  
  
The stares were broken when he reached behind him and opened a drawer in the nightstand. My heart jumped nervously as I saw what had been taken out - a small tube of lubricant.   
  
He touched my neck lightly. "...Are you ready...?"  
  
I nodded silently, my eyes never leaving the tube.  
  
"It will help," he said quietly, noticing where my eyes rested. "...I've heard it hurts. We don't have to if you don't want to. If you think it will be too painful...."  
  
I shook my head and shifted my eyes to him. "I want to. Just...be gentle."  
  
He nodded. "But tell me if it's too much and I'll stop right away."  
  
I licked my lips and swallowed anxiously. He rubbed my back comfortingly and whispered into my ear, "Ready?"  
  
My voice was lost. After a minute, I squeaked a tiny, "Yes." I lay down and closed my eyes briefly, trying to defeat my nervousness.  
  
He spread my legs slowly, bending my knees again so they pointed at the ceiling. My hips were lifted off the mattress and set down again on his lap. My heart pounded against my chest, and my stomach was tense.  
  
There was a pause while Trowa situated himself. I shut my eyes again and waited in taut expectation of pain.  
  
Something slid into me suddenly, and I gasped as I felt rough agony radiate from that spot. I groaned involuntarily; it felt like I had been abruptly opened up. I tried to back away, but it quickly began caressing me gently, moving back and forth, in and out, softly stroking the pain away more and more. It gradually diminished altogether and was replaced with something else....  
  
Something that felt really good. I cautiously moved toward it a little, wanting it more. It continued stroking me lightly, and I moved toward it again, wanting more and more....  
  
Until I was invaded again, and I felt my whole body being stretched with the added thickness. A cry stuck in my throat as I looked between my legs and saw Trowa sitting, looking at me with deep concern.  
  
"Does it hurt too much?" he asked softly.  
  
I panted harshly, my head swimming and panging with the hurt of being so spread. Finally, I shook my head and whispered hoarsely, "Keep going."  
  
He hesitated for a little while, keeping an eye on me, before he continued. He pushed his fingers in a little farther, moving slowly to let me adjust. For a minute, all I could think was: ithurts ithurts ithurts ithurts....  
  
But then, the soft stroking and gentle caressing began again. I panted harder and faster as all my senses concentrated on what was happening between my legs. It felt better and better with each stroke, and again, I couldn't resist moving towards it.  
  
I heard myself moan loudly, though I wasn't fully aware whether or not it was me. I couldn't concentrate on anything but the feeling Trowa was giving me by touching me....  
  
There was a pause, and I felt him shifting positions. I saw him through heavy-lidded and barely-seeing eyes. He knelt with my hips far up his thighs, and I could only see one of his hands, which rested on my waist.  
  
I closed my eyes all the way and let my head rest on the cushy blankets. Without the movement, my thoughts began to return. I inhaled deeply and tried to calm myself down....  
  
"You're sure you want to go on?" Trowa whispered.  
  
I lifted my head and gazed at him. "Yes."  
  
He shifted his position once more before leaning over and pushing himself between my legs.  
  
I couldn't hold my cry back any longer as I felt the switch from slender fingers to something much thicker and much harder. Tears came to my eyes in the searing pain that accompanied his entrance into me. My lungs couldn't grasp the oxygen in the air, my heart drove the blood through my veins with easily felt force, my stomach knotted, my eyelids shut, my teeth clamped together.  
  
He touched my cheek gently and called my name. "Quatre, Quatre, shh, shh...."  
  
I parted my teeth to grasp more air. "Stay. Don't move."  
  
He nodded. "I won't. Not until you're ready."  
  
I continued my jagged breathing, not speaking a word and moving as little as possible, for several minutes. It wasn't until I could take a normal breath and think semi-clearly that I looked up into his lust-filled eyes and gave him permission to continue.  
  
He started slowly, moving only a tiny bit - almost not enough to feel. He gradually made his beats longer, rocking his hips against mine and pushing me farther into the mattress with each shift in pace.   
  
At first, I shied away from him, the depths he was reaching being uncomfortable and not used to touch. But again, his gentle caressing calmed the pain and eventually made it disappear. I began to lose more control over my mind and my body with each stroke, and I unconsciously began lifting my hips to his each time he came down on me. I wanted him deeper. I wanted him to touch me where I was not used to being touched. I wanted him closer, closer, closer...deeper, deeper, deeper....  
  
The sensations were so strong, I could barely hold onto reality. I felt weightless, like I was being lifted up, but being pushed down and pinned there snugly, like I was discovering everything while being unaware of nothing. I looked up into Trowa's eyes just before they closed in concentration. He felt it too.  
  
Suddenly, he grabbed onto my shoulders and pushed harder, faster, desperately, wanting to reach something he couldn't grasp. He was panting, his skin shining with a heavy sweat, his lips forming words he could not speak, his voice speaking moans but not knowing words.  
  
I brought my feet around the back of his waist and locked them together, my legs tightly wrapped around him. I backed my hips far down into the mattress as he moved up, and we pushed together in a split second of frenzy. The bliss was unbelievable, and two separate moans reached my ears.  
  
He continued, my legs around him in assistance, to pound ecstatically into me, my own senses climbing in utter pleasure to a height I'd never experienced nor ever deemed possible. The sounds escaping from my throat were uncontrolled, as were the motions of my body. I knew nothing but the fact that Trowa was bringing me to a new world of feeling.  
  
With one more beat, something was struck inside me, and my body went loose with a final moan of Trowa's name. My eyes closed as I felt a surge of pleasure, peace, and satisfaction wave through me. I'd never felt so tickled and contented before. I felt like a goal had been reached and now only happiness existed. I felt so much love I thought I would burst.  
  
My eyes slowly slid open to gaze at the one I loved, but he collapsed onto me as soon as I looked at him. He rested his cheek on my chest while his heaving breaths pushed down gently on my stomach. His hands were still resting on my shoulders as he closed his eyes and panted. His love flowed through me.  
  
I lay my arm around his shoulders while he recovered his breath and his senses. We stayed like that for a long time, our hearts beating so strongly we could feel it, our minds slowly rediscovering reality, our lungs deciding to use the air once again.   
  
At last, he lifted his head and looked into my eyes. A smile crossed his lips as one crossed mine. He pried himself from my chest and slowly left his place between my legs. A moment of sadness and emptiness passed over me, but it was quickly eliminated as Trowa lay beside me and brought me into his arms.  
  
I kissed him softly. "I love you," I whispered.  
  
He kissed me back. "I love you, too," he whispered. His voice was so low and so sincere I melted against him.  
  
We held each other closely, too exhausted for more words, and soon he was asleep. I watched him, his face and body peaceful, and before I fell asleep myself, I told myself I would never leave his side.  
  
  
  
Dash - Epilogue  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own Gundam Wing. Okay? I don't, so no suing.  
  
Warnings: yaoi, more OOC/bastard Duo (Yaaaay! Although it's not too bad....), sap, all that good stuff  
  
  
One year later  
  
"Okay, everything's okay, right? Right."  
  
"Quatre, calm down!" Trowa grinned, watching me pace up and down the length of the dining room table.  
  
"Well, I just want to make sure.... You know how much Duo eats."  
  
Trowa sighed lightly. "Are you sure you should have invited him?"  
  
"Well, Heero would want to see him, don't you think? He hasn't left Relena since she started taking care of him. And Duo hasn't left L2 very much, so they haven't seen each other a whole lot."  
  
He shrugged a little. "Whatever you think is best. ...Just don't worry about it...!"  
  
I had started pacing again.   
  
"Quatre...!" He reached out and pulled me to his chest. "It's okay.... Everything will be fine. Everyone coming is your friend. They won't hate you if you don't have enough of something." He kissed the top of my head.  
  
"But...."  
  
" - And if Duo lays a finger on so much as a hair on your head, I'll shove him in the freezer and not let him out until he apologizes and promises to be your servant forever. Sound good?"  
  
I grinned a little. "Thanks. That makes me feel better."  
  
"Well, good. I don't want you feeling bad tonight...." He slid his hands across my shoulders and gently pressed his thumbs into my back, rubbing in little circles.  
  
I relaxed almost immediately. "Ahh...nice...."  
  
The doorbell rang suddenly, and I jumped out of the dining room and down the hall. Trowa walked calmly behind me.  
  
"Heero! Relena! Nice to see you!" I said sweetly, opening the door and seeing the well-dressed couple outside. "Come in!"  
  
They stepped inside and said their hellos - Relena smiling brightly and Heero smiling slightly. I asked them how they had been.  
  
"Things have been going well," Heero said peacefully. His eyes twinkled happily as he glanced at Relena and subtly touched her hand. I smiled widely.  
  
"Well, that's good. I'm glad to see you you're both good...." I raised an eyebrow slightly as they gazed at each other.  
  
I escorted them to the living room. Before we sat down, Heero took me aside for a second while Relena and Trowa greeted each other.  
  
"Um...I've been meaning to ask you something.... Is Duo coming tonight?"  
  
"Yes, he told me he could make it."  
  
"...Oh."  
  
"Is there something wrong...?"  
  
He shook his head. "No, it's nothing. Just wondering." He turned and moved to sit next to Relena. I stood, befuddled, for another minute before taking a seat next to Trowa.  
  
The doorbell rang minutes later.  
  
"Excuse me," I said, standing and leaving the room to answer the door. Wufei and Sally were on the other side.  
  
"Hello!" I greeted them.  
  
"Hello, Quatre."  
  
"Come in! Can I take your coat? Heero, Relena, and Trowa are in the living room - you can just go right in while I hang this up."  
  
They smiled and nodded, and Wufei showed Sally to the living room. They seemed to be as they usually were - only good friends. Perhaps Wufei wasn't quite ready to fall in love again....  
  
I slid open the closet door and hung up the coat, and just as I closed the door again, the doorbell rang.  
  
Duo was the last person....  
  
I opened the door, though a little reluctantly.  
  
"Hey, Quatre!"  
  
"...Hi, Duo."  
  
"Nice to see you again. How have you been?"  
  
"Just fine. You?"  
  
"Peachy."  
  
He seemed his normal, bouncy self. I still felt awkward around him, though. He was acting as if nothing had ever happened....  
  
"Come into the living room and join us," I said shortly. He nodded and followed me in.  
  
I hurriedly announced Duo's arrival and took my seat next to Trowa again. I watched Heero rustle in his seat, and Relena kept an eye on him until he seemed comfortable again.  
  
Duo plopped himself down in the big green chair closest to the door.   
  
The conversation before dinner was, mostly, of how everyone had been doing for the past year. Heero and Relena were living together in her large estate, and both talked a great deal about politics (for Relena was involved in them, as usual), Golden Retrievers, and English Sheepdogs. Apparently they had taken in a few from the animal shelter and made them their extended family.  
  
Wufei and Sally lived in the same city and saw each other often, but were definitely not together in any way other than being good friends. Sally seemed to have accepted the fact that Wufei was not going to be romantically interested for quite some time, although the occasional glances she gave him led me to believe she was still hopeful for the extended future.  
  
As for Duo, apparently he hadn't changed much. He loafed in the green chair, his smile never leaving his face, as he listened to how everyone had progressed in their lives. I'm surprised he didn't act a little jealous - he didn't seem too happy. He said he was working as a mechanic at some shop in L2, and he had a part-time job as a bartender on the weekends. Hilde had broken up with him...again.  
  
"So, what have Quatre and Trowa been doing for the past year?" Relena asked sweetly.  
  
"Well, Quatre has been working, as usual, and Trowa has been helping him," I answered briefly.  
  
"Oh? I didn't know Trowa was good at managing business," Duo commented  
  
"He's a surprisingly good letter-writer," I told him. Trowa smiled a little.  
  
Duo nodded and turned away. No more questions were asked of me or Trowa.   
  
We decided to move into the dining room, where everyone polished off the plates with their voracious appetites. Duo also helped himself to most of a bottle of wine, leaving only a few drops for everyone else. Neither Trowa nor I drank any - we were saving a special bottle for later.  
  
At the table, the conversation drifted to politics, which was bound to happen with Relena at the table. She had definitely found her passion in life - along with Heero, that is - in the events of the world and the government. It was a little strange to think she was once an innocent, impulsive schoolgirl, following some guy she barely knew from place to place. She certainly had grown a lot.  
  
Soon, Drachens became the subject, which made sense, since their defeat was a major influence in this particular reunion. I must admit, I had never fully read what the newspaper said about how or why they were defeated, so the news told to me was quite interesting.  
  
Trowa listened silently as we talked about it.  
  
"Ryujo was the one who formed the Vogeln, wasn't he?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
"How?"  
  
"Well, he went to the cities under the most Drachen influence and spoke on the streets. A lot of people agreed with him that the Drachens shouldn't be in power anymore, and so a lot of people joined him. It wasn't that hard, since nobody liked the Drachens. They were extremely forceful - but it was certainly effective in getting their way."  
  
"It just seems so simple...why didn't anyone do it earlier?"  
  
"Well, it takes awhile for enough people to join, for enough good ideas to form, for enough action to be planned, all that sort of thing. Plus, the Drachens almost caught Ryujo and his close followers several times, and they had to hide for awhile."  
  
"Sorry to innerrupt, but would you mind if we moved back in'o the room with the nice chair?" Duo asked, his speech less than perfect. We glanced around the table and agreed to move into the living room again. As I stood, I felt Duo's eyes on me. I hurried beside Trowa so he couldn't see me anymore.  
  
Once in the living room, Wufei asked, "How many licks does it take to get to the center of a Tootsie Roll Pop?"  
  
Heero raised an eyebrow, and Sally laughed a little.  
  
"What?" he asked innocently. "I'm just curious.... I saw an old commercial, and the owl said it took three, but that doesn't seem like enough."  
  
"It takes five hundred," Sally said.  
  
"Seriously?"  
  
"No. I have absolutely no idea."  
  
"Oh. ...You don't have any Tootsie Roll Pops, do you, Quatre?"  
  
I shook my head. "Sorry, I don't. Well, actually.... Let me go see. Trowa, could you help me look? You can reach higher than I can."  
  
He nodded, and we stood and left for the kitchen. Once inside, I closed the door quietly and pushed Trowa against it, letting my hands slither down his chest. He grinned.  
  
"I see.... That was a clever trick...."  
  
"Thank you," I smiled, pressing my lips to his. He eagerly kissed back, his fingers untucking my shirt and sliding under it.  
  
"You ready for tonight?" I asked softly, nuzzling his neck and shoulder.  
  
"Definitely. When will they leave?"  
  
"Soon, probably."  
  
He let his hands slip around to my tummy and up to my chest. "But I want you now...."  
  
"Patience..." I smiled, fingering the neck of his shirt. "I'll make up for your suffering, trust me."  
  
"I trust you." He knelt and kissed my tummy lightly. "But that doesn't make me any more patient."  
  
I ran my fingers through his hair. "I'll shoo everyone out if they don't leave in half an hour. Okay?"  
  
He looked up at me. "Really?"  
  
"Just as long as it doesn't sound too rude."  
  
He nuzzled my thigh and stood again. "Okay. I'll be patient. I guess I can wait another half an hour. ...But just keep in mind how much I'm suffering...."  
  
"Don't worry...I've planned something...special."  
  
"Mm...special...."  
  
"Of course. You think I wouldn't give you a special anniversary present? The one-year anniversary of our..." I licked ear softly "...first night together?"  
  
He shuddered excitedly.   
  
"Now, we'd better get back..." I said, tucking my shirt back in.  
  
He pouted a little, but nodded and opened the door.  
  
When we re-entered the living room, Heero and Relena were standing. Relena's cheeks were flushed, and Heero was glaring at Duo. I sighed silently to myself. Leave it to Duo....  
  
"We should be going now," Heero said. "It was nice to see you again."  
  
"Yes. Nice to see you two as well."  
  
They nodded politely, and I walked them to the door. We said goodbye again, and as I closed the door, Wufei and Sally approached me and announced that they were leaving too. We said our goodbyes, and as Sally was putting her coat on, Wufei turned to me and whispered, "Perhaps you should hide the wine from Duo next time...."  
  
I closed my eyes for a moment. "I'm sorry...."  
  
He shook his head and smiled. "Don't worry about it. Just a tip for future reference."  
  
I nodded. "Thanks."  
  
They stepped out the door and strolled away. Four down, one to go....  
  
"Hey, Quadre," a voice from behind grumbled.  
  
Duo.... "Hi."  
  
"Looks like it's jus' us righ' here." He staggered over to me and pushed me against the wall. I could smell the alcohol on his breath as he tried to kiss me. I easily dodged him with his slow reflexes. "Hey...c'mere," he ordered, turning to where I had moved. I started backing towards the living room. "Quadre...c'mon...le's get this party star'ed!" He made a lunge for me, but I jumped back quickly...  
  
...And right into something soft.  
  
"Duo, I think you should leave," came a voice from behind.  
  
Duo looked up. "Aw...c'mon, Trowa.... I haven' had any for years. Not from Hilde or Heero or..." he eyed me. "It's alwaysa same."  
  
"Leave."  
  
He didn't move. Trowa grumbled and walked up to him. "Leave or I'll literally kick you out." He picked Duo up to show him he was serious.  
  
"Fine. I'll go find somewheres else." He was let down and tottered to the door, swinging it open carelessly. "Buhbye."  
  
Trowa flung the door shut behind him and turned to me. "He didn't touch you, did he?"  
  
"No. Thanks to his wine and my protector," I smiled.  
  
He returned the smile and approached me. "That's good. I wouldn't want anyone touching my Quatre."  
  
"Except you, of course," I teased.  
  
He wrapped his arms around my waist. "Tell me you love me...?"  
  
"I love you."  
  
"How much?" he asked, looking deep into my eyes.  
  
I looked deeply back. "More than the sun and the moon, more than the stars in the sky, more than green grass wet with summer dew, more than space, more than Earth, more than life, more than anything."  
  
"And you'll never get tired of me?"  
  
"Never."  
  
"You'll never get tired of sharing my bed?"  
  
"Never."  
  
He picked me up in his arms. "Why not?"  
  
I wrapped my arms around his neck. "Because every time you touch me, I feel a happiness incomparable to anything I've ever felt. Because every time you're close to me, I only want you to be closer. Because when we're together, I feel as if I'm being reborn into a world which knows nothing of pain and suffering, only in which you and I exist in a bath of warmth and bliss. Chaos doesn't live, and I don't need to run away from anything. I can fully surrender myself to the safety of who I love the most."  
  
He smiled gently and kissed my lips with such delicacy I could feel that my words had touched him deeply. He started walking towards the bedroom, and no more was said between us. No more speech was needed.  
  
  



End file.
